How to Help a Rebellious Teenage Daughter
Not all teenage rebellion is a bad thing says Joanne Stern, a Ph.D. and writer for the magazine "Psychology Today." A bit of defiance is actually a good thing. It proves your teenage daughter is growing up, developing her own moral compass and building the self-confidence not to fold under peer pressure. Dealing with a rebellious teenage girl involves keeping lines of communication open and respecting her privacy. Let her have opinions and make mistakes, but be ready to step in if her behavior gets truly out of control.
Instructions
Be more operational in your communication instead of general, as Dr. Carl Pickhardt, writer for "Psychology Today" recommends. Instead of telling your child to "be respectful," tell her what being respectful means to you. If it means that she shouldn't leave her coat on the floor in the living room or that she should come home for dinner on time and speak to you rationally without yelling, tell her so. Set boundaries and rules and have consequences for violating them. Consequences might include grounding or suspension of television, cell phone and Internet privileges. Similarly, if your daughter regularly follows your rules, consider extending her privileges to show that benefits come from behaving responsibly. For example, the website KidsHealth suggests making your teen's weekend curfew a bit later if she always comes home when you ask. Give your teenage daughter some privacy. That means staying out of her room, private emails and text messages. Start by trusting your daughter, and let her know that there will be consequences for breaking your trust. KidsHealth notes that some red flag signals give you license to snoop for your child's own safety. Plummeting grades at school, talks of suicide, signs of alcohol, tobacco or drug use, extreme weight gain or loss and run-ins with police are all red flags. However, you should always try to talk your concerns out with your child first before you resort to rifling through her things. Monitor Internet and cell phone use in a general way. That means reviewing your monthly phone bills to see what numbers your daughter's calling, keeping your family computer in an open area and periodically checking the computer's Internet browsing history. Let your child know that you'll keep your nose out of the particulars of her private conversations, but that you do these more general check-ups for the safety of the family. Treat your teen like an adult and tell her that you expect the same from her. Involve her in discussions about boundaries and the punishments for violating them. If she yells and screams, don't respond. If she talks calmly with you, listen to her suggestions about the house rules and expectations. Ask your teen where she's going and who she's going with when she steps out for the evening. Have her call you if the plans change. Explain to her that you don't need to know every detail of her social life, but you need to know the basics to make sure that she's safe. Talk early with your teen about major issues like sexuality, drugs and alcohol, before they become problems your daughter is faced with. Pick your battles. If your daughter wants to dye her hair bright orange, it may embarrass you in public, but she's really not hurting anyone. If you accept what you consider to be eccentric taste, she's more likely to listen to you when it really matters. Save your strength to fight the big issues such as drug and alcohol use.
