How to Stop Trying to Control a Teenager

Coping with the teen years can be a challenge for both teens and parents. As a parent, your natural urge might be to cling to your teen as he pulls away from the protection of the family nest. But separating from the family and developing a sense of independence and responsibility are important tasks of normal adolescent development. The harder you try to control your teen, the more he might rebel and push you away. By loosening the reins a bit and giving your teen more control over his life, you help pave the way for adulthood.

Instructions

    • 1

      Allow your teen to make mistakes. If your teen does not have the opportunity to make mistakes, she won't learn to function independently as she grows and matures. Teen need to make mistakes in order to develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility. According to Certified Life Coach Aurelia WIlliams in an article for her website, allowing your teen to make mistakes doesn't mean abandoning her -- it means relinquishing some control over her life. Although you mean well, if you continually step in to protect her or catch her from a potential fall, you're ultimately not doing her any favors.

    • 2

      Let your teen make his own decisions in areas that have developmentally appropriate risk levels, advises the Community Youth Connection, a program of the School of Human Ecology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. By allowing your child to make certain decisions, such as choosing potential colleges or selecting extracurricular activities, you hand a certain level of control over to your teen. Be available to provide support and guidance throughout the decision-making process.

    • 3

      Talk to your teen about making healthy choices. By educating your teen about important issues, such as sex, drugs and alcohol, and defining what constitutes a healthy choice, you help her understand she has alternatives to simply going along with the crowd. Ask your teen if you can share your personal feelings with her about the situation.

    • 4

      Provide your teen with the opportunity to express his thoughts and opinions. Ask him for his input regarding family decisions, such as where to go for vacations or what to eat for dinner. Involving your teen in both minor and major decisions shows that you trust, respect and value his input and gives him some sense of control over what happens in your family.

    • 5

      Realize what you can control and what you can't, advises Psychologist Marlo Archer in an article for her website. Be realistic and avoid futile power struggles with your teen. For example, you might not be able to control whether you teen skips school, but you do control your car, finances and home. Although your teen inevitably controls certain decisions and choices she makes in his life, you ultimately retain the right to demonstrate your own power based on her choices.

    2. Previous:

    Next:

    • Programs for Troubled Teens in Minnesota
      Finding help for a troubled teen is a daunting process. The stakes are high, your familys happiness, your childs future, and the fear of doing the wrong thing can be paralyzing. A few Minnesota-based programs offer hope to at-risk, troubled teens and
    • How to Prevent Truancy
      Truant students place themselves at risk for financial failure, delinquent behaviors and substance abuse. Truancy prevention efforts must involve the family, the school and the community. Preventing truancy is about more than just forcing the child t
    • How to Deal With an Out of Control Teen
      Dealing with an out-of-control teenager is a problem many people face. According to Dr. Michael G. Conner, Anger and learning to deal with anger is a necessary and important part of growing up. He suggests understanding why the teenager is acting the