How to Avoid Bargaining With Your Teen
Relationships require give and take, but sometimes your teens take far more than they give. In her bid to become more independent, your teen might try to bargain with every little aspect of her life -- stretching out curfew times, bending the rules and essentially looking for more freedom. While it's fine to collaborate with your teen to come up with a solutions you both can live with, avoid constant bargaining so your don't risk making it a common pursuit in your home.
Instructions
Stop your teen as soon as the bargaining begins. Bargaining is usually when your teen tries to exchange one type of behavior for some type of reward. Swapping a good test score for a later curfew, for instance, or trading off housework for studying. If your teen begins the bargaining, let her know you won't play along. Try, "I know you want a later curfew, but you don't deserve a later curfew just because you received a high grade. I'm ready to talk about your options, though." This causes your teen to quit bargaining and communicate, rather than negotiate. Invite a collaborative atmosphere when your teen wants something, suggests the Alabama Cooperative Extension System. She likely tries bargaining because she thinks the trade-off is more acceptable to you. Instead, letting her know that you're open to suggestions and talking about a rule change can help put you both on the same team, rather than being on opposite sides of the bargaining table. Tell your teen exactly how far you're willing to bend and the circumstances that must be met. If your teen wants to go to a party and has talked to you about the details, for example, you can let her know that she can go, but must adhere to your rules and final decision. Give your teen clear expectations and possible consequences should your rules be ignored. If allowed to bargain at the start -- swapping a later curfew for cleaning her room, for example -- your teen might mistakenly believe that other rules are up for negotiation, too. Let your teen know exactly what will happen if expectations are not met, such as grounding, a shortened curfew or removing a cell phone. Explain the reasoning behind your decisions. A teen might think your rule of not having cell phones after 10 p.m. is lame, but you have your reasons. Letting your teen know the whys behind your rules can help her think twice about bargaining for leniency. When a rule is for her own safety and protection, she might be more likely to follow.
