How to Teach Your Adolescent About Choices and Consequences
Adolescence can be a turbulent time -- not just for teens, but for parents as well. The ability to make good choices and to understand that every choice comes with a consequence is paramount to his ability to effectively control the direction his life takes. Your adolescent is an adult-in-training, and it's your duty to ensure he's equipped with the tools he needs so that when he goes out on his own he can make his own decisions and take responsibility for his future.
Instructions
Set boundaries now for your adolescent, if you have not started already. Every home should have rules, and those rules should be communicated clearly and concisely to children so they understand your expectations. In addition, behavior should have consequences. Reinforce good behavior with privileges, such as extra cell phone time or an allowance bonus. Consequences for undesirable behavior should also be in effect, such as temporary loss of cell phone privileges or decreased allowance. Allow your child to make choices. Ask your teen, for example, if he prefers to do homework before or after dinner, if he'd rather do his chores on Friday after school or Saturday afternoon. Within reason, allow your adolescent to select his clothes, the paint for his room and elective classes at school. According to the U.S. Department of Education, giving your child choices allows him to realize he has power to determine the outcome of a situation. Hold your adolescent accountable for his behavior consistently, recommends Parenting.org. The teen who has learned he is accountable for his actions is less likely to feel victimized when he experiences an outcome he doesn't like but that his actions invited. It's important to follow through with consequences so your child will begin to understand cause and effect when it comes to his choices. Give consequences that directly connect to your teen's behavior. The more your child is able to connect the consequence to the behavior, the more it will make sense and seem fair. For example, if your child breaks something, a reasonable consequence is that he has to replace it either by working off the debt in his free time or by paying for it out of his allowance. Let natural consequences take effect. Parental instinct may tell you to protect your child from trouble or problems, but he's not going to learn to think about consequences or heed warnings if he's insulated from the effects of the consequences. And the consequences for adults who haven't learned responsibility for their actions can be much graver. An example of a natural consequence that can teach now -- when you give him his allowance, remind him that it his responsibility to budget for his weeks. If he spends all his money over the weekend and consequently can't afford to go out with his friends for pizza on Tuesday, don't bail him out by handing him an advance -- let him learn from his mistake by staying home. Discuss choices with your child. According to the Palo Alto Medical Foundation, teens who are in difficulty sometimes don't realize they have any options. By talking to your teens you can teach them to consider each situation and look for smarter, more reasonable alternatives. Talk to your child about tough situations he may someday face, suggests Dr. Valerie Reyna, Professor of Human Development and Psychology at Cornell University. Brainstorm with your child about ways that he can avoid dangerous situations, such as getting into a car with a drunk friend or what to do when someone tries to pressure him into taking drugs. Discuss together what options he might have if he finds himself in a risky situation. By planning ahead, your adolescent is less likely to make a poor choice on the spot. Offer your teen independence incrementally throughout the teen years. Teens still need parental supervision and guidance, but giving them independence a little at a time is necessary to help them prepare for adulthood. Previous:How to Reward a Teenager
