How Much Should Your Teens Know About Your Past?

Balancing Self-Disclosure

• It's important to stick to referencing details that will benefit your teen when sharing information about your past with her. Columnist Myrna Beth Haskell, with "Carolina Parent" magazine, suggests that parents refrain from glorifying risky behavior and instead, focus on the negative consequences associated with past mistakes. As opposed to simply disclosing to your teen that you had your first drink at 15 years old, explain to her why that wasn't such a good idea. Talk about the potential risks you could have faced, or did face, such as personal endangerment and the risk of developing an alcohol addiction. Don't make your experimentation with alcohol seem like "the good ol' days": Give your teen a broader scope of what risky teen behavior meant for you.

Sending the Wrong Message

• Writer Sue Marquette Poremba, with Disney's Family.com website, notes a caveat to offering too much disclosure to your teen: Sharing information about your past could send your teen the message that since you survived risky teen behaviors, she can, too. Your teen might be inspired by the fact that while you experimented with drugs and alcohol you appear to be well adjusted, and conclude that she will have a similar outcome. This is why it's imperative to understand your teen's reasons for wanting to know about your past, says Haskell: You can determine the most constructive way to divulge your personal information. Ask your teen if she's feeling any pressures from her peers or conflicted about personal temptation or curiosity, and provide information about your past based on your teen's needs.

Mutual Honesty

• Parents create an environment of honesty when they're honest with their teens. Stern explains that when her teen approached her about her past experiences she chose to be honest because she wanted her teen to be equally honest with her. This can be an incredibly fragile balancing act; it's best to consider your child's level of maturity, her reasons for asking about your past and whether or not details of your past experiences will actually help your teen. Stern suggests that if you're uncomfortable sharing unsavory experiences from your past with your teen -- such as promiscuity -- be honest and explain that there are some huge mistakes that you made that your teen wouldn't benefit from if she learned about them. When your teen realizes you're largely open and honest about past experiences, this will create a deeper level of trust between the two of you. She might be inclined to share information about her personal experiences since you trusted her with your personal history.

Learning Opportunity

• Ultimately, the benefit of sharing a lot or a little about your past is the opportunity your teen gets to learn effective ways to navigate through her own life experiences. You will ultimately use your level of comfort and common sense when choosing how much information is necessary to divulge to your teen. You might determine that your teen doesn't need to know specifics about your sexual experiences in high school, but may benefit from learning how you managed peer pressure encouraging you to steal, or to cut class. It's important to remember to keep the disbursement of information relevant to teaching: It's useful for your teen to obtain personal information about you that she can directly apply to making healthy choices during adolescence and beyond.