Perfectionism In Teenagers

If your teenager challenges himself to be the best at anything he does, that's commendable. The American Academy of Pediatrics cautions, however, that a teen who constantly beats himself up over making even the smallest mistake might be a perfectionist, which can be mentally harmful. If you find that your adolescent's self-concept is based on a flawless performance all the time, then it may be necessary to seek counseling.

  1. Academics: Fear of Failure

    • Your teenager's chances of entering a reputable college or university hinges on the quality of his grades, standard achievement test scores and his resume. As pediatrician and adolescent specialist Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., notes, your adolescent may feel so much pressure to look perfect on paper that he may commit clearly dishonest acts, such as padding a resume or cheating on a college admission test. What he may not realize is that being dishonest now may earn him a negative reputation that will follow him for a long time, making him unattractive to the very schools or occupations he wants to enter.

    Fear of Adversity

    • If your teen is a perfectionist, he may fear the the smallest of problems or adversity. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, he may be reluctant to try new skills due to fear of making mistakes and fueling his harshest critics, namely himself, his peers and teachers.

    Fear of Disappointing Parents

    • Another fear he may have is disappointing you if he is anything less than perfect. Your teenager may feel unloved by you, for example, if he receives any grade lower than an "A" on a math or science test, especially if he knows you were proficient at those two subjects as a teenager in high school. He also may feel unworthy of your love if he is less than stellar at sports, or at anything else that may be a strength for you, or if he perceives that you expect him to excel at everything.

    What You Can Do

    • Let your teen know clearly that you love him whether he only has one strong talent, or possesses several. Also, refrain from punishing your youngster over the slightest mistake. Forgetting to take the trash out -- if it happens only once in a while -- will not cause your teen to lose a job one day in the distant future. Also, watch what you say to other adults in his presence, especially when it comes to discussing the traits that make a famous person a hero in your eyes. For instance, if he constantly hears you bragging about the three-point shot a certain basketball player made, or constantly talking about a beloved performer, he may feel as if you will never think much of him unless he lives up to a similar admired standard.

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