The Effects of a Dysfunctional Mother/Daughter Relationship

A mother-daughter relationship is a complex connection that might not always flow smoothly even under the best circumstances. Both mothers and daughters contribute to problems that arise in the relationship; after all, it takes two to tango. A daughter wants to feel empowered to be her own woman and shudders at the thought of being a carbon copy of her mother. A mother can be controlling, overprotective and even a bit envious of her daughter.

  1. Competition

    • Competition can grow stiffer as a daughter matures and a mother gets older. Watching her daughter blossom into an attractive, vibrant young woman is a constant reminder that at least by media standards, mom is becoming yesterday's news. A mother may have mixed emotions over the fact that her daughter has her whole life ahead of her to pursue a career that may have been unheard of back in "her day." As a mother, she wants only the best for her daughter. But being human she may feel a twinge of resentment, a hint that her daughter may sense due to their close bond. Focusing on each one's unique talents and abilities while praising the other's qualities can help keep a mother-daughter competition from getting out of hand.

    The "Difficult" Mother

    • Difficult mothers may be the rule rather the exception, writes psychologist and senior tutor at Newnham College, Cambridge, Dr. Terri Apter, in a January 2010 article published in "Psychology Today." Daughters may resort to lying to get around a mother's inflexibility and to avoid energy-zapping arguments. For example, a daughter may state that she's going to the mall with a couple of friends rather than share the truth that she's meeting a new boy from school for coffee. Telling tall tales is dysfunctional but it may seem like the only way for a daughter to maintain at least some control over her life.

    Stressed Out

    • Both mother and adolescent daughter have their individual burdens to bear. For example, the daughter is dealing with peer pressure, dating and school, and is generally trying to grow up and get on with her life. A mother is busy running errands, possibly holding down a job, keeping up with household chores and keeping her marriage together, unless she's single. Single moms face their own unique challenges, not the least of which may be financial concerns. When mother-daughter stresses collide it might lead to arguments over who̵7;s got it worse. Expressing empathy rather than taking life's pressures out on each other can help the mother-daughter relationship function more smoothly.

    Considerations

    • The mother-daughter relationship is doubly close since they are the same sex and attached by birth, explains Austin, Texas-based psychologist and lecturer Dr. Carl Pickhardt in a January 2010 article published in "Psychology Today." Adolescent daughters try doubly hard to be different from their mothers; at the same time they want to maintain a close connection. Embracing the likenesses can create camaraderie that deepens the mother-daughter bond. Professional therapy may be in order if the dysfunction in your mother-daughter relationship has reached an impasse or is escalating.

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