Helping Teens Heal From the Suicide of a Father
Losing a parent is hard, suffering this loss to suicide, even more so. When a teen loses his father in this unfathomable fashion, he must deal with both general grief and the complex emotions that specifically accompany a suicide. If unaided in his healing, he may suffer lasting damage. Researchers at Johns Hopkins Children's Center found that children under age 18 with a parent who committed suicide were three times more likely to take their own lives. Prevent the loss your teen has experienced from determining his future by helping him heal.
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Talking about Death
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When speaking about the suicide of her father, it can be tempting to use impact-reducing euphemisms, telling the teen that, ̶0;He's in a better place.̶1; These statements, while uttered in kindness, don̵7;t promote understanding and healing, states the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Speak plainly, telling your teen, ̶0;He took his own life,̶1; or a similarly factual and straightforward statement. Encourage your teen to talk about the loss, allowing her to ask questions and giving her honest answers. Though it will be painful to discuss these things, talking about them is necessary and will show your teen that you recognize that she is a mature young adult.
Removing the Blame
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Young people are natural narcissists, states Dr. Harold S. Koplewicz for the Child Mind Institute. Because of this, your teen feels that everything is about him -- including his father̵7;s suicide. Clearly communicate to your teen that he is not to blame. Nothing that he did contributed to his father̵7;s suicide and nothing that he could have done would have prevented it. Just one conversation about this topic will be insufficient to communicate this message clearly. Instead, speak about it often in the days and weeks following the loss. When you do, stick to the same message -- you are not to blame.
Return to Normalcy
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When dealing with the suicide, the grief your teen feels will be paired with conflicting emotions, such as anger at her now deceased father. Reassure your teen that all of the emotions she is feeling are normal, suggest Terri Erbacher, Ph.D., and Tony Salvatore, M.A., of the Delaware County Suicide Prevention and Awareness Task Force. With your reassurance, your teen may be able to better handle these emotions without feeling guilty. Also, speak with your teen about the return to normal life. Remind her that it̵7;s OK if she doesn̵7;t think about her dad. Be aware that the first couple of days she manages not to do so she may find herself feeling guilty, as if she has forgotten her father.
Support
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Your teen may not be able to get over this alone. If your teen exhibits extreme trouble in coping with this major life change, consider sending him to a bereavement group. Speak to your child̵7;s doctor and ask for suggestions of groups in your area, or check the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention directory, link in the resources section. Sometimes, being surrounded by others going through a loss can make healing seem a less lonely process.
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