Developing Competitiveness in Teens

Healthy competitiveness is the desire to match effort with the best possible outcome. However, people often associate a competitive spirit with negative traits such as losing one's temper after a defeat, bragging about wins, quitting rather than dealing with losing and cheating to be the best. Dr. Sylvia Rimm, a family and child psychologist and author, explains that all children value excellence and at times fall into these negative traits when they attach their value to their excellence.

  1. Realistic Goals

    • Helping your teens set realistic goals they can stick to and achieve builds their self-confidence. It allows them to learn how to push their limits at their own pace and be winners by their own standards. Pushing your teenagers to achieve unrealistic targets leads to anxiety and frustration, which affects their ability to deal with defeat.

    Family Values

    • The popular media create the illusion that to win, manipulation and cheating is at times necessary. Instilling values such as sportsmanship and team spirit helps your teenagers grow into adults that are not discouraged by failures or too elated by wins. Inform your teen of the importance of integrity and healthy competitiveness. You can instill this in him by arranging activities that involve the whole family and giving him an opportunity to practice these values. Focus on having fun and family teamwork as opposed to the result of the activity.

    Effort

    • As a parent, focus on your teen's efforts in the process, not the end result. For example, at your child̵7;s cricket games, pay attention to her tactics and teamwork as opposed to the win or defeat at the end of the game. Parental encouragement and praise helps build a teen's self-esteem and encourages her to work on individual development as opposed to comparing herself with others. Teaching your child that you value winning more than effort leads to increased frustration and low self-esteem in case she loses.

    Acceptance

    • Acceptance is important for both parents and teenagers. Accept your teens as they are and do not force them into activities you think they can "win." In some cases, a teen is not as competitive and is content with himself; this does not mean he does not want to try his best. Teens need to accept that they cannot always win and losses do not mean they are failures. Helping your teens accept that different people have different talents ensures they learn how to deal with insecurities and occasional setbacks.

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