How to Get Children to Stop Fighting With Each Other

Set Clear Limits

• When the squabbling is getting out of hand and it seems like you are always breaking up arguments between your offspring, it̵7;s time for some clear communication about your expectations for behavior. Sit with your kids and explain how you want them to speak to and interact with each other, advises the Ask Dr. Sears website. Talk with your kids about respectful interaction between them that does not include teasing, name-calling, yelling, physical or emotional aggression and arguing. Explain the behavior you expect, such as sharing, helping each other and playing together peacefully. Tell your kids what the consequences of not getting along will be ̵1; perhaps time-outs or loss of privileges ̵1; and then follow through with consequences if your kids break the house rules.

Teach Conflict Resolution

• Conflicts are a part of life, so it̵7;s unrealistic to expect that your kids won̵7;t ever have disagreements. A key to stopping the fighting is to teach your kids how to resolve conflicts respectfully instead of devolving into unkind fighting, advises the Children̵7;s Hospital of Pittsburgh. To teach conflict resolution, teach kids to identify their emotions by recognizing and naming emotions as they occur, advises Karen Stephens, director of the Illinois State University Child Care Center. Once children recognize emotions, the next step involves learning to express emotions respectfully instead of lashing out at someone in anger or frustration. Build empathy skills in your children by regularly talking about how others are feeling and other people̵7;s perspectives. Conflict-resolution skills take time and effort to build, but keep at it to help your kids learn to get along better. Your kids can also learn effective conflict resolution from you, so ensure that you̵7;re setting a positive example.

Avoid Hot Situations

• Certain situations and times of the day can be more difficult for children. Perhaps your kids get on each other̵7;s nerves in the hour before dinner when you̵7;re trying to make the meal or maybe they fight continually during the bedtime routine. If you notice contentious situations, make changes in the routine to avoid the fighting, advises the University of Michigan Health System. You might separate your kids during these times so they don̵7;t have the opportunity to fight. You can also try feeding them a snack to avoid hungry kids who may be more apt to bicker. Being present with your kids during common conflict times might also diffuse clashes.

Encourage Team Spirit

• Instill an attitude of partnership or team spirit between your kids to replace an adversarial attitude, advises psychologist Laura Markham, with the Aha! Parenting website. Instead of encouraging competition in your home, encourage working together. For example, when the kids need to complete a task together, have them race the clock to work together to earn a privilege, such as staying up later. Markham suggests having kids earn coins or tokens for not fighting with each other.

Intervene When Necessary

• Some fighting may escalate to the point of needing intervention, so be ready to step in when necessary. Calmly step in and separate kids if it escalates to the point of physical fighting or one or more kids becoming emotionally distraught. Ask your kids whether they will resolve their issue or whether they need to take time to calm down first. Facilitate resolution either immediately or after your children have calmed and are ready to make peace. Allow each child to explain his perspective and encourage your kids to empathize with each other to work out a solution.