What Happens When Boys Are Not Disciplined?

Continued Misbehavior

• The first and most obvious result of forgoing discipline in favor of apathy, ignorance or conflict avoidance is a sustained tendency for being troublesome in your boy. The fact is that boys are no different from girls -- or even adults -- in how they link cause and effect. If a boy falls down while sprinting down the stairs, he will link the pain he feels to his action. Next time he takes that first step down the staircase, he will likely decide to take the stairs at a much slower pace. Falling down the stairs is a punishment in itself for sprinting where he should not sprint, but most other forms of misbehavior do not have natural consequences. In fact, many forms of misbehavior have positive benefits. A boy who bullies his peers to impress his female classmates might gain a sense of respect in his class for being ̶0;tough̶1; or ̶0;a rebel.̶1; If parents don̵7;t counter this benefit with some form of discipline, the boy is likely to continue his actions, as he has likely linked the act of bullying to the benefit of attention.

Confusion

• One correct answer to the question ̶0;What happens when boys are not disciplined?̶1; is ̶0;Nobody knows.̶1; In reality, boys will be disciplined for their misbehavior, if not by their parents, then by their teachers, their peers̵7; parents, the bosses at their summer jobs and other adults throughout society. When parents refuse to discipline their boys, they are sending their kids mixed messages. When everyone but their parents brings attention to their misbehavior, boys are likely to feel confused. A boy who finds he can swear at home but not in other places might question whether swearing is acceptable or not. He might attribute the appropriateness of swearing to a difference of family values or a difference of environment. And things get even more confusing when one parent disciplines an action that the other doesn̵7;t.

Poor Preparation for the Real World

• The problem of mixed messages extends past boyhood. When boys become men, their habits from childhood have mostly solidified. A boy who had never been disciplined for being disrespectful to women, for example, might find it difficult to find a long-term girlfriend. And a boy who had never been disciplined for skipping school might find it difficult to keep a full-time job. In the long run, parents who take what seems to be the easy route of not disciplining their boys are actually hurting their children. For a single mom, coming home to scold a disagreeable teenage boy might seem like too much stress to handle right after work, but that boy will likely pay for his mom̵7;s passivity eventually. A loving parent isn̵7;t a parent who avoids conflict with a problem child; she̵7;s a parent who thinks of the long-term consequences of both her and her son̵7;s actions.

Good Discipline

• Discipline is necessary to raise a boy into a positive man. The question that remains for most parents is what kind of discipline is appropriate for a boy. Boys are not necessarily stronger than girls -- at least not emotionally. Discipline for a boy should be focused on improving a child̵7;s ability to control himself and understand where he went wrong. According to Trinity College Dublin̵7;s Children̵7;s Research Centre̵7;s research, the discipline that is best is non-aggressive in nature. Begin by explaining how you feel about your boy̵7;s behavior. Follow with explaining the moral or logical reason for avoiding that behavior. Discuss alternative actions your boy can take next time he wishes to engage in the problem behavior. And if it happens again, cancel one of his privileges related to that behavior.

An Example of Proper Discipline

• A boy who uses violence to get his way with his sister should make any parent upset. Anger is a natural feeling that leads animals, even humans, to feel an urge of violence as a problem-solving method. A boy might act on this urge by hitting his sister when his sister turns the TV channel without asking. Explain to your boy your disappointment with his method of solution. Tell him that no one likes to get hit and that he wouldn̵7;t like it if his sister hit him when he changed the channel. Suggest ways for your boy to solve the problem next time, such as explaining to his sister that it̵7;s his turn to watch TV or coming to find a parent to solve the conflict. If the situation reoccurs, remove his TV privileges for a set period.