Qualities That Make a Good or Bad Parent

Parents have the responsibility to ensure they are raising healthy, happy and moral children. If parents are not in agreement with each other on how to raise their children, are not consistent with techniques or values, or if the marriage is on shaky ground, many conflicts will arise. To be a good parent, it is important to work on the marriage itself as much as the parenting skills.

  1. Conflicting Parenting Styles

    • Inconsistency in parenting styles and techniques or disagreements about acceptable behaviors for the children is one of the main problems in parenting. Mom may say a child's bedtime is 8 p.m., and dad arrives home late, wanting to play with the kids, which keeps the kids up longer. As a result, the kids are tired, mom is cranky and there is conflict between the spouses. Parents need to discuss criteria ahead of time and agree what the rules and expectations are for the children. The goal is to prevent one parent from undermining authority over the other -- especially in front of the kids. Both parents should also demonstrate physical love through hugging, kissing and holding the children.

    Communication

    • Commit to talking with your spouse at least once a day about important matters regarding your family. Check in with each other and review the events of the day. Discuss long-term family goals or consistently resolve issues that affect the family. When parents are confused about the amount of supervision children need for each activity, such as a curfew or time committed to homework and they do not take any kind of position, problems arise. Make an agreement with each other regarding discipline techniques and amount of freedom the kids are allowed. Stick to this plan and discuss it with the family so everyone understands how it affects daily life and the possible results to unacceptable behavior.

    Competition and Conflict

    • Sometimes, mom and dad will compete with each other for the attention of one of the children. For example, dad may want to take his daughter to the arcade, but mom may want a mother-daughter shopping day on that particular weekend. Mom and dad will struggle to win the activity, and this will put the child in the middle of the conflict, which is unhealthy. It is not necessary to agree on everything, but each of you needs to be flexible and cooperative to achieve harmony. One of the worst parenting mistakes is to argue with your spouse in front of the children, causing the children to suffer. Work on your own conflict resolution, which includes listening, working to understand your spouse's point of view, taking each other̵7;s feelings seriously, working together to create solutions and effective negotiation.

    Positive Role Model

    • Effective parenting starts with encouraging your child's good behavior with words, hugs and smiles, constantly looking for the positive your child does and praising your child. Establish boundaries and rules so your kids know what you expect of them and spend some quality time with your children every day. Show patience and flexibility, and discipline with logic -- not emotion. Try to avoid shouting and assigning "labels" to the children. Eating dinner together will establish healthy eating habits, and reading often with your children opens many avenues for teaching and discussion. Respect different learning styles, encouraging your child's individual skills and interests. Provide your child with a moral compass and teach compassion by exhibiting compassion towards others.

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