How to Deal With Selfish & Impulsive Behavior
No child is a perfect angel. Nor is any child born to be a little devil. Children are malleable, much more so than adults. And as the parent, you have the hands with which to mold your child. Those selfish and impulsive behaviors that you see in your child come from somewhere. You only need to seek out the root cause and intervene before your child can act on his impulses.
Instructions
Explain the problem with the behavior. Immediately upon witnessing an instance of selfish or impulsive behavior, bring it to your child̵7;s attention. If you are not in the habit of doing this, your child might not know that what he is doing is inappropriate. For older children, pointing out the deeper reasons why such behavior is inappropriate is enough. But for younger children, parents might benefit more from having their child imagine he were the receiving end of the inappropriate behavior, such as by asking the child how he would feel: ̶0;If I took away your toy when you were playing, how would you feel?̶1; By putting himself in the victim̵7;s shoes, he is more likely to understand why an action is wrong. Ask your child to summarize your explanation. Check for understanding by asking her why the specific behavior is inappropriate. By having her relay it through her own words, you are helping her internalize it. You might even later find her explaining to other children why their impulsive actions are incorrect. Address the behavior, not the child. Focus on changing the actual behavior in question while putting aside feelings of disappointment in your child himself. In other words, resist that urge to say, ̶0;You̵7;re being selfish.̶1; Instead, make the subject of your sentences the action, such as by saying, ̶0;Taking other people̵7;s toys is selfish.̶1; You might even consider supporting your child̵7;s personality while admonishing the action, such as by saying, ̶0;Cutting in line is rude. I know you̵7;re not rude, so it must have been a mistake. Right?̶1; As everyone has the tendency to see himself in a positive light, you are pushing your child to agree with you, simultaneously pushing your child away from the action he was just inclined to. Lead your child through relaxation techniques to remove impulsive feelings. Use a relaxation technique you know works on your child. If you do not know of any, the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services recommends breathing techniques. Upon finding your child̵7;s emotions out of control and suspecting that he will do something inappropriate, lead him through a breathing exercise. Count from one to 10, breathing in deeply with your child on each number. Have him breathe through his diaphragm so that his stomach, not chest, expands with every inhalation. By performing this often, your child learns how to calm himself down in situations of frustration or anger. Be a good example. Realize that children̵7;s selfish and impulsive behaviors don̵7;t always come from their internal feelings. Sometimes, children are copying their parents. Other than helping your children deal with their reactions to feelings, you should also be considerate of how you react to your feelings. Children learn how to react to certain situations by watching how their parents react to those same situations. So the next time you feel frustrated while waiting in line with your child, calm yourself down before you storm out or give the bank teller a nasty look.
