How to Be the Perfect Mother
As a mother, you want the world for your children. You likely to go to great lengths to make them happy and ensure they live a good life. In your mind, you may carry an image of maternal excellence that you're constantly striving for. But if you're on a quest to be the perfect mother, mental health experts tend to agree that you are fighting a battle you cannot win. In other words, leave behind that pursuit of perfection and focus instead on something more achievable.
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No One is Perfect
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Here's the big problem with trying to be perfect: It demonstrates to your children that you don't love yourself unconditionally, and that you're incapable of extending unconditional love to them, suggests clinical psychologist Laura Markham, Ph.D., in an article for "Psychology Today." Give up the notion that you can be a perfect mom, says Markham. Instead focus on showing your children as much love as possible, and choosing love as often as you can.
Admitting Your Mistakes
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As a parent, it's important to realize that you're human, suggests Markham. Everyone makes mistakes. By not allowing yourself some room to make mistakes, your children see that you fear doing something wrong and will begin to fear it as well. Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and be ready to admit when you make mistakes. That can help your children see that you accept yourself, and in turn can accept them. If there's a possible solution to the problem you've created through your mistake, work on solving it. Practicing forgiveness and problem-solving can also teach your children these valuable lessons.
Manage Your Stress
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Mistakes and bumps in the road are inevitable. A calm response offers the best lesson for your kids. However, many mom's are too stressed to respond in a positive manner. According to a 2010 study published by the American Psychological Association, women report more emotional and physical symptoms of stress than men, and married women are more stressed-out than single women. That may be true, but you owe it to yourself -- and to your kids -- to find ways to manage the tension. The American Psychological Association suggests that mothers identify the things that stress them out, and then find healthy ways to manage it. Take some time for yourself and get some exercise, go out with friends or to a social event, or spend some time at a relaxation spa, for example.
Be Consistent
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For many parents, another big hurdle is consistency, says child behavioral therapist James Lehman on the Empowering Parents website. Consistency is tough because parents get worn out or tired of giving their kids the same directives over and over, suggests Lehman. Perhaps you've repeatedly told your child to clean up her room, then eventually gave up and cleaned it yourself because you got tired of looking at the mess. That's a big mistake though, and it's not teaching your child proper boundaries or consistent rules. Setting clear guidelines and then sticking to them can help you run a smoother household -- which may cut down on discipline issues and other conflicts that arise. You might not be "perfect" every time, but at least your kids will know what to expect.
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