How to Explain the Birds & the Bees

Consider Age

• Talking about sex appropriately comes down to your child's age and maturity level. You won't go into as much detail with your preschooler who is curious about where babies come from as you would with a teen who has friends engaging in sex. Build on what your child already knows about the human body and sexuality. Kids Health recommends starting early and gradually introducing appropriate information as your child grows rather than waiting to have one big talk. For example, if a young child asks where babies come from, you may simply say that babies develop from an egg in mommy's tummy and then come out of the vagina. An older child might be ready for a straightforward and scientific discussion of how pregnancy occurs, while a conversation with a teen might include important information about pregnancy prevention and healthy teen relationships.

Take Opportunities

• Be open to discussions about the birds and bees. Young children in particular tend to ask lots of questions, so assess whether or not it's a good time and place to address the topic, but avoid simply dismissing questions or comments. When your child asks about sex, babies or other related topics, use it as a way to provide real information about the subject. Don't put your child off with promises that you will answer later. For an older child, HealthyChildren.org suggests asking questions in order to assess her understanding and feelings on topics. Avoid overbearing questions and instead ask some that are open-ended. Respect your child's decision regarding what she will share and when.

Be Honest

• While the information should be age-appropriate, you also don't want to lie or gloss over important information about human sexuality. Kids Health recommends teaching children from an early age the anatomically correct names for body parts. Don't act embarrassed about the terms. Call them by the correct names as you would an arm or leg. If your child misunderstands something about human sexuality, correct his ideas. For example, a toddler might assume boys and girls have the same body parts. A teen might have heard pregnancy isn't possible during the first sexual encounter. Give your child the information necessary to dispel those misunderstandings. For teens, emphasize safety related to sexuality, including pregnancy and STD prevention.

Use Tools

• You don't have to come up with your own topics in this conversation. There are many opportunities to bring the subject up though media. HealthyChildren.org recommends avoiding too much judgment when watching TV and movies that might depict behaviors you are strongly against because your child could worry that you would also judge her for similar behaviors. Books are also a way to introduce sexual topics. Examples include "The Birds, the Bees and the Berenstain Bears," by Stan and Jan Berenstain; "Where Do Babies Come From?" by Ruth Hummel and William Rusch; and "What's the Big Secret? Talking About Sex With Girls and Boys," by Laurie Krasny Brown. Technology is such a large part of our lives so the Internet can also be a tool for older kids and teens to find information. Suggest a few links from reputable sources, such as the American Academy of Pediatrics or Kids Health, that cover the birds and the bees. By giving your teen specific sites or links, you ensure the information is accurate.