Child Custody Mediation Tips

Why Mediation?

• During a divorce it is essential to maintain continuity of care for the children. Mediation ensures that each parent has the opportunity to provide that care according to the wishes of both parents. The mediation process helps the parents to develop a plan that works out details of the children's day-to-day life when they are with each parent. The objective third-party mediator ensures that the process remains focused solely on the childen's needs.

  The mediator is professionally trained to remain impartial to ensure that the needs of the children are put first in the parenting agreement. The licensing requirements of mediators vary from state to state, but most require the mediator to have a Master's degree and to complete extensive specialized training in the field of family mediation. Some mediators work with the courts but are not employed by them. However, most child custody mediators work under the local court system to provide court-ordered mediation.

Tips for Success

• To make the mediation process a success requires one key component: keeping the focus of the parents on the child. Although this is at times difficult, it is vitally important. You must be able to put aside the unresolved issues between parents. This is not the time for the parents to resolve their own problems, but solely a process to avoid future child-care problems.

  Come prepared for the mediation with a list of the child's needs. Often during mediation the important issues are forgotten as the process begins. List the day-to-day scheduling needs of the children including vacations, school holidays, and sick days that require a parent to stay at home. Even simple issues such as bedtimes, use of cell phones, homework and dating need to be decided. It will be necessary to revisit the parenting plan as unforeseen situations arise and the children get older.

  Be flexible when discussing the issues. Remember you are there to make decisions about what is best for your child, not win small battles with the other parent. Know when to compromise for the benefit of the child. Do not fall into the trap of blaming the other person for what went wrong during the marriage. The new situation requires the parenting style to adapt accordingly. Give each other the benefit of the doubt and it will go a long way to achieving success in the mediation process.

  Listen to your children as they discuss what they want, and use their opinions as a basis to focus on their needs. This does not mean that the childen will get everything they want, but let the their ages guide your decisions.

  Mediation can be a beneficial experience for all parties involved. Take your time and use care when entering the mediation process so all parties involved can come away knowing that the best for all was accomplished.