How to Apologize to a Tween

No one is perfect, including you. You know it and your tween knows it, which is why you need to get into the habit of apologizing to your tween when it is called for. Offering your sincere apology to your preteen doesn̵7;t mean you are no longer in control. Showing your tween that you are confident enough to own up to your mistakes and your imperfections helps him to understand that apologies are a vital part of life. When you are willing to put aside your pride and say ̶0;I̵7;m sorry̶1; to your tween, he learns that no matter what, apologizing is important.

Instructions

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      Put aside your negative feelings about apologizing and remind yourself that not only will you feel better, your child will feel better once you apologize, advises Tamar Chansky, Ph.D. and psychologist for Psychology Today. Say you snapped at your tween for ruining your favorite shirt by putting it in the dryer even though you̵7;ve asked her not to and you proceed to lecture her about being responsible, listening and taking responsibility for her actions. You are very angry and you send her straight to her room without allowing her to say a word. When you complain about it later on to your husband, he tells you he̵7;s the one who put the shirt in the dryer. Now you feel really bad and you know you need to apologize to your tween, but you feel stupid and awful. Put that aside and apologize. Putting it off only means you and your child will only feel worse about the situation that much longer.

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      Say sorry about your behavior, not about being you, advises PBS Kids. If your tween is arguing with her baby brother, you might yell at your tween about her behavior and how she knows better than to argue with a child. Your anger will likely upset your tween and you will need to apologize. Instead of saying you are sorry for being a mean mom, say you are sorry for yelling and that you didn̵7;t like your own behavior any more than she liked being on the receiving end of it. This helps your tween understand that you should never apologize for being yourself; rather, you should apologize for specific behaviors.

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      Ask your tween for advice about how you could have handled yourself a little better so that you don̵7;t make the same mistake again, advises PBS. She might tell you that you could have asked what the problem was before you yelled at her. Perhaps she was only arguing with her younger sibling because he was doing something that could have hurt him and she was trying to stop him. Your tween will love to hear you apologize because it means you aren̵7;t perfect and it teaches her that it̵7;s okay to make mistakes and to admit to those mistakes. Additionally, she will appreciate your apology that much more when you ask her to help you improve your own behavior.

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