How to Make My Child Express Himself & Talk
If you are reading this article, chances are your child's reticence has been bothering you for some time. You may have tried different tactics to get him to open up, such asking a lot of questions or frequently commenting on how quiet he is. Whatever you've been doing obviously hasn't worked, and if you keep doing what you've been doing, you can't really expect different results. You need to change your approach.
Instructions
As honestly as you can, assess your current situation. Has your child changed her behavior, becoming quiet and uncommunicative when she previously had been more talkative? Does she clam up around certain people or when you bring up specific subjects? If your child has always been quiet and you are looking for ways to help her open up, that's one thing; if this is something new, you need to try to determine the cause of the change in her behavior. Ask yourself what changes have occurred in your child's life recently. Are there new people, new schools, a new neighborhood? Has he experienced a loss, such as a close friend moving away or a change in his health? Have you been more stressed lately or become less approachable for any other reason? Did you start a new job and a new daily routine? Look at what is going on in your family's life for clues to your child's behavior. Create a comfortable environment. Your child will open up more willingly if she knows she's not going to be met with disapproval for expressing a painful emotion or stating an unpopular opinion. You don't have to tolerate out-of-control demonstrations of anger, but you should allow your child to speak freely without being criticized. For two weeks, try saying only positive things to your child. If you're tempted to nag or criticize, don't. You can correct her behavior without criticizing. Say, "You'll need to brush your teeth now," instead of, "I can't believe you haven't brushed your teeth yet." You are the one in charge of creating a home environment in which your child will feel safe enough to express herself. Use active listening techniques. Reflect back what your child says to you; this allows him either to know that you are listening and understanding him or to correct you if you don't. If he says, "I really hate my gym teacher," don't act shocked or try to talk him out of it. Simply restate what your child has expressed: "It sounds like your gym teacher isn't one of your favorite people." Sometimes simply being able to express negative feelings and thoughts helps defuse them. Ask open-ended questions; these are the kind of questions that can't be answered with a "yes" or "no." Ask your child what she did at school today; if she has a favorite subject, ask her specifically about that, such as, "What are you reading in English literature right now?" Ask a younger child who she played with at recess. Take advantage of times when kids are more likely to open up, such as right after school or just before bed. Riding in the car can also be a good time to talk. Know when to seek professional help. If your child's silence is a total change in behavior, it's a red flag that something could be going on with him. It might be puberty if he is in the age range of 10 to 14, but it may also be a sign that something is seriously wrong in his world. Don't panic, but realize that kids do face serious issues, such as bullying, abuse, peer pressure and ostracism. If you have tried to create a climate in which your child can feel safe expressing himself and he still won't open up, you need to seek a qualified therapist to help discover what's going on with your child. Don't wait or simply shrug it off--you are your child's best advocate, and he may need help finding his voice.
