Effective Parent-Child Communication

Firm Boundaries

• It may be tempting to become your child's best friend. Everyone wants to be liked, and parents are no exception. However, taking on the friend role can limit your authority as a parent and potentially encourage disrespectful behavior from your children. It is important to set boundaries with kids to elicit respect from them. This does not mean that you should be a draconian, authoritarian figure, but it does mean that there should be rules with consequences. Boundaries such as these establish a framework with clear expectations for communication in the future.

Reasonability

• It is important when communicating with a child that the parent adopt a sense of reasonability. Be willing to explain the rationale behind reasons and decisions and to hear out the child's side of the story. Encourage the child to present reasons and warrants for their opinions, positions and proposals. Not only does this foster critical thinking skills, but it helps to create a positive communication environment.

Expressions of Openness

• One of the reasons some kids don't feel comfortable talking to their parents is because they don't feel as though their parents would be willing to talk. It is incredibly important that parents continually reinforce a sense of openness with their children. Parents should literally, and repeatedly, express a willingness to talk. By establishing an open door policy with their kids, parents foster a sense of trust with their children, which helps to create better communication between the parties.

Expressions of Interest

• It is not enough for parents to say they are willing to talk. They must also indicate that they are interested in talking. Stay engaged in your children's lives. Ask questions about their day and their interests. Just as is the case in adult communication, it is important to keep all parties engaged in the communicative process. Not only does continued parent initiation of conversation increase the frequency and depth of conversation, but it provides the knowledge necessary to create richer, more important conversations. For example, if you are trying to talk to your children about the importance of honesty and you can reference an example of one of their friends lying to them and the pain that the event caused, you can personalize the conversation and create more of an impact for the child.

Respect

• Though it is at times tempting to use, the phrase "because I said so," fails to foster effective communication between parents and children. It expresses a lack of interest in spending time explaining something to the child and a lack of importance for the child's understanding. Kids aren't stupid. They pick up on the tone used in situations like that and will interpret it to mean that they are in some way less important than the parent. While it is understandable that parents are busy and that endless explanation can be frustrating, if you want your kids to show you respect, it needs to be a two-way street.