How Couples With Small Children Can Reconnect

Everyone knows having children changes everything. Although they know the stereotypes, many new parents aren't prepared for the toll small kids take on their relationship. With work, errands and all the demands young children place on adult time and energy, it's often difficult to maintain a meaningful, satisfying relationship with your partner. It takes deliberate efforts, but reconnecting as a couple is possible and worthwhile for the long-term health of your relationship.

  1. Set Aside Alone Time

    • Reconnecting as a couple most effectively begins with making some alone time for each of you, as the University of Phoenix points out. If you don't each have some time on your own to pay attention to your own needs and desires, you're unlikely to have much patience for together time. If every waking moment of your life is devoted to giving to others while neglecting your own needs, you won't have the energy or desire to engage meaningfully with your partner when the opportunity arises. Even if you only take 20 minutes to lock yourself away with a book, squeeze in some brief alone time several times a week.

    Make a Date Night

    • Your life runs around schedules: work, your partner's job, school, store hours, mealtimes, bedtimes and more. While it can be a hectic way to live, schedules provide organization. Even if it doesn't seem like the most spontaneous or romantic idea, add reconnecting with your partner into your schedule. Pick a date night, recommends Kenneth N. Condrell, Ph.D., on Fisher Price's website. Preferably, fit it in weekly, but even bi-weekly or monthly is better than not at all. Arrange for someone to watch the kids and go out, just the two of you, and enjoy yourselves. Don't let finances be an excuse. If you can't afford dinner and a movie, go out for ice cream and a stroll through a park. Add some spontaneity by taking turns choosing what to do for date night without telling the other person your plans.

    Establish Child Boundaries

    • Reconnecting as a couple requires setting some boundaries across which small kids cannot cross, advises the University of Phoenix. These may be physical sometimes, as with not letting your rugrats into your bedroom during couple time. If you can't always have a babysitter, get a movie for the kids and clearly explain that they must watch it and respect your privacy for an hour and a half. Kids should have a defined and enforced bedtime, too, says Dr. Condrell. Boundaries are sometimes more ephemeral, though; for example, during bonding time, you and your partner should agree not to discuss the kids. You don't have to feel guilty about figuratively shutting them out while you work on fixing your relationship.

    Make Couple's Time at Night

    • After bedtime for the kids, fit in a little time for your partner every night. Even if it's just a few minutes to chat, make it happen, because a daily check-in strengthens the relationship, as Reader's Digest reports. Get away from the television, computer, cell phones, books and other distractions. Sit close to each other on the couch and make physical contact, whether it's leaning on one another, a hand on a leg, holding hands or snuggling. Physical intimacy like this helps you reconnect and promotes a better sex life, too, which is also important to the continuing health of your relationship. Talk if you want to talk, or just be content to enjoy each other's company and touch.

    Socialize

    • It may prove difficult, especially while adding in date nights, but fit in at least one or two nights per month to socialize with other adults, suggests the University of Phoenix. When small children consume your life, you tend to get stuck in parent mode. Facilitate reconnecting as a couple by rediscovering your fun-loving adult side. This is much easier when you interact with other adults. Call up some friends and go out to dinner or grab a cup of coffee.

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