How Children Learn Affection

Modeling Appropriate Emotions

• Children watch those around them for cues on how to react and show emotion. According to the Hong Kong Department of Health, self-awareness of one's own feelings helps manage emotions. Parents and caregivers who understand how their moods affect their own behaviors and reactions can set an example by controlling their responses and showing appropriate affection. Kristin Reinsberg, a licensed marriage and family therapist writing on AbilityPath.org, a site that supports families with special needs children, suggests that consistent, respectful and responsive care demonstrates acceptable expressions of emotion and builds a trusting relationship.

Showing Warmth and Affection

• Most parents and caregivers give children the physical and cognitive support they need but, depending on their own upbringing, they may have a misunderstanding of the level of warmth and affection necessary to teach healthy emotional responses. According to Raymond L. Richmond, Ph.D., writing on guidetopsychology.com, children who do not receive regular and consistent physical affection and emotional intimacy face social difficulties as adults, such as suffering from psychosomatic illnesses or confusing physical affection with sexual desire. Reinsberg writes that hugging, and providing comfort and a safe place to express feelings, help children learn how to show love and affection.

Show Empathy

• Empathizing with a child's emotions and experiences validates her feelings and teaches her how to show empathy to others. The Hong Kong Department of Health advises parents and caregivers to avoid judging and criticizing children. Instead, be empathetic to their feelings, help them verbalize their emotions and make sure they know you understand. Reinsberg recommends that parents use language to identify, label and respect a child's feelings. This will not only communicate empathy, but will also help the child be calm and control her emotions.

Communicating Emotions

• When children can openly express positive and negative emotions to parents and caregivers they learn to communicate their feelings appropriately. Reinsberg points out that it is important for a child to feel emotionally safe and secure when talking about how he feels. Parents and caregivers can teach methods of dealing with intense emotions healthily, like pounding clay instead of hitting when angry. Reinsberg suggests this helps children learn how to manage and communicate emotions in a way that not only respects others, but builds self-awareness and self-control.