How to Love a Child Unconditionally

If asked if you love your children, the answer is most certainly a resounding "Yes, of course." However, love means different things to different people, and the form in which you communicate love sends different messages to your child about his personal worth. What he learns from his relationship with you is a defining influence on the kind of adult he grows up to be. When you love your child unconditionally, you help him develop a healthy sense of independence, joy, imagination, contentment, and the ability to give and receive love, says Richard Cohen, vice president of ChildTime Learning Centers.

Instructions

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      Forgive yourself for your imperfections. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you can rise above your less-than-stellar parenting moments and work through them with your child, she will learn resilience that will strengthen your relationship, explains Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, parenting author and speaker, on Aha! Parenting. She further asserts that accepting your child starts with accepting yourself and allowing yourself to grow inside to become more loving to yourself and your child. Start with listening to how you talk to yourself about yourself and make a concerted effort to short-circuit the self-criticism. Instead of dwelling on your mistakes, learn from them and move on.

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      Let go of the baggage of your past that has skewed your perception of yourself. Even if past relationships with family or friends have given you the idea you somehow don't measure up and aren't worthy of love until you achieve perfection, you don't have to pass that weight onto your child. Seek professional counseling, if necessary, to sort out the sticky emotional issues and take charge of your happiness level rather than giving control of your emotional thermostat to forces beyond your control.

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      Practice intentional compassion toward your child even when he is misbehaving. When you find yourself tempted to be harsh or critical, take a moment to step back and remember the good things about him and choose to act with compassion, even in discipline and correction, rather than react in anger. Be firm but loving in setting limits and save your words for happy times when both parties are open to the teachable moment. It's OK to postpone a decision about consequences until you have both had some time to calm down and get some perspective on the problem.

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      Look at things through your child's eyes before speaking or acting. Remember she is a small person living in a big world, which can make what seems like a minor response from you major in her eyes and overwhelm her. Keep your reactions proportionate and appropriate to your child's age and developmental level to communicate that you love her exactly the way she is. Throw out your wish list of how to "fix" your child and show respect for what she says, thinks, dreams and feels. When you give respect, you get respect, and your unconditional love gives her the peace of mind and emotional strength to extend the same respect to others and engage in healthy relationships with family and friends.

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