How to Distance Yourself From Adult Children

Children grow up, graduate from high school (hopefully), go to college (hopefully), get jobs and either get married or remain single. Parents wish their adult children well and love visiting with them, but there comes a point when parents don't want to be responsible for their children any more. If a child is in his mid-twenties or older, he should be sufficiently weaned from his parents and their support, but that's not always the case. It's time to cut the apron strings. When kids move back home they're called "boomerang" kids.

Instructions

    • 1

      Don't live together. A lot of adult children are moving back into their parents' homes following college or a divorce or the loss of a job. This is OK if it's temporary, but statistics show that more and more adult children are tending to stay for long periods of time in their parents' abode. It's possible for this arrangement to work if the child acts like an adult and not like a child. Unfortunately, many adult children resume their childish ways and act as they did when they were teenagers and living in their parents' home. They don't help with the housework, they don't pay rent and they don't cook. In other words, they don't contribute to the household. This is eventually going to annoy the parents. It's not healthy for the young adult who is dependent and not self-sufficient and who is, intentionally or otherwise, delaying or postponing adulthood and independence. Parents who encourage this aren't doing their adult child any favors. Put some physical distance between you and your child. Tell them they have 30 days to find an apartment. If that doesn't work, you're going to have to come up with another idea.

    • 2

      Cut the apron strings, gradually. You don't have to do it all at once, but you must do it. Don't be so available to your adult children. Tell them, no, I can't do that because ... and have a valid reason. If you have to, make up an excuse. The adult child has to learn that you have a life of your own, as do they, and at times you are not available to babysit or do their laundry for them.

    • 3

      Stop giving them money. If you keep it up, you are going to deplete your retirement savings. If you can afford to and want to it's OK to help them out now and then, but they should not expect you to bail them out every time they're in financial trouble.

    • 4

      Step back and let your adult children figure out their own marital problems. Let them make the decisions regarding their careers and children. It's their life, not yours. If they ask for your advice you can give it if you want to but sometimes it is better to remain silent. That way if they make a mistake, they can't blame you.

    • 5

      Tell them that you love them and always will, but it is time for you to do the things that you have put on hold for years because you were engrossed in child-rearing and parenting and didn't have the time or money to pursue your interests. They should understand. If they don't, too bad.

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