How to Get Out of Your Grown Child's Way

Parenting doesn't stop once your child reaches the age of 18. You'll always be your child's parent, whether he's 18 or 50, but it's not always easy to let go of the reins and get out of your grown child's way. You might not always agree with his choices or decisions, and you may think you know what's best for him. At times, you might have difficulty respecting his right to self-determination. Your situation can be even more complicated if your adult child still lives at home, but making a conscious decision to let your grown child live his life and respecting certain boundaries can help you get out of his way.

Instructions

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      Recognize that your grown child wants to be respected and acknowledged as an adult. Realize that she is no longer a child, although she may always seem like a child to you. Mutual respect is necessary if you want to get out of your grown child's way. Not showing respect is the biggest mistake made by parents of adult children, says the Rev. Ronald J. Greer, director of the Pastoral Counseling Service at Peachtree Road United Methodist Church in Atlanta, in an interview with "The United Methodist Reporter."

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      Set healthy boundaries. You'll need to make a shift in your boundaries when your child enters adulthood to help him become more independent. Revising your boundaries also helps shift your role from leader to supporter or encourager, says Nancy Williams, life coach and licensed counselor, in her book "Secrets to Parenting Your Adult Child." For example, don't show up unannounced at your grown child's house -- respect his privacy and call first.

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      Avoid lecturing your grown child and don't offer unsolicited advice. Make the shift from being a parent to a peer, Greer advises. By offering unsolicited advice and taking an "I know best" attitude, you're only standing in your grown child's way and preventing her from feeling competent in her own choices and decisions.

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      Let your grown child make mistakes. Don't try to catch him every time he falls. Of course, you should always step in during inevitable crisis situations, such as illness or life-or-death circumstances. Avoid enabling behavior, such as constantly rescuing your child when he experiences financial difficulties.

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      Accept your grown child's goals and ambitions, even if you disagree with her chosen life path. Your child's failure to live up to your expectations has nothing to do with you as a parent, says Michael Segell, deputy editor of "Prevention" magazine. If you had a different life path in mind for your child, recognizing that she has her own destiny and dreams can help you stop being controlling or judgmental.

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