How to Handle a Defiant Child

Every parent encounters growing pains in their children, the tantrums and mood swings are all a part of growing up. However, when a child is willfully defiant, the parent or guardian may become perplexed as to how to handle him. This type of child can be a parent's worst nightmare. He refuses to listen and follow instructions. He may even enjoy breaking the rules, particularly if he realizes he can get away with it. The adult has the burden of finding effective ways of handling him so he can mature into a productive human being.

Instructions

  1. Handling a Defiant Child

    • 1

      Realize that a defiant child tends to be power-driven. Do not fight with him or succumb to his demands. Because he is power-driven, the more you order him around or punish him (e.g., time out and spanking), the more he will rebel. Most likely he will develop immunity to these disciplinary tactics and not care anymore because he refuses to surrender to authority. Be careful not give into him either. If you do, he will continue his defiant behavior, because it works. Strike a balance between the two.

    • 2

      Give him alternatives instead of orders. He may not want what you are denying him, just the power to make his own decisions. Rather than ordering him to do something, give him reasonable choices. For example, instead of ordering him to clean his room, give him the choice between cleaning his room and doing the dishes. This gives him the freedom to choose and makes him feel he has some level of power.

    • 3

      Create a reward system for the chore he is required to perform. If he is resistant to doing the task, link the chore with something he enjoys. For example, if you ask him to hang up his clothes, explain to him that once he's finished with that chore, he can play video games for an hour. This stops short of you bribing him, and allows him something pleasurable to look forward to.

    • 4

      Use an empathetic tone when communicating with him so he knows you care about him; however, it should also reflect that you are in charge. Build on your relationship with him by playing games with him and helping him with his homework. Ask him about his feelings and lift his spirits when he is feeling blue. Still, keep a certain distance, so he respects you and your position.

    • 5

      Show him the consequences of his actions. For example, if he breaks things while throwing a tantrum, tell him he will have to work to pay for it. Or, if he starts fights with others, take away his privileges (e.g., T.V., games). Explain to him that if he cannot behave in a proper manner, he will spend his time alone.

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