Exercises in Following Directions

Commands

• An exercise for the party giving the direction is to learn to avoid negative commands. It has been proven ineffective to say "Don't" when giving an instruction, such as "Don't let me come home and find you playing with your dolls instead of cleaning your room." The Pediatric Services website says that positive alternatives will have a greater effect. The above command may be changed to something along the lines of "Please have your room clean by the time I get home so we can go to the park." Hearing this direction, the child will feel respected and notice the positive incentive to cleaning her room. Similarly, Pediatric Services suggests avoiding reasoning, ultimatums or threats with a child under the age of six.

Groundwork

• Lay the groundwork for following directions when your child is happy and behaved, rather than bothered, annoyed, angry, sad or already misbehaving. Talk about the things your child needs to do that day when you are spending carefree, quality time with him. If your child is old enough to have a structured discussion, spend time talking with him each day about things he is interested in. When there is a free moment, communicate your expectations for the day and ask for his feedback. If your child is too young to have a coherent discussion, play with her instead before giving any instructions or commands. Help your child feel as though they are a part of the decision.

Rulemaking

• Set aside 15 minutes to have a rulemaking session where you can sit down with your child and talk to him about the purpose of rules. Give an example of a good rule, such as washing your hands before breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. Write it down on a large piece of paper with a colored marker, and then ask the child to provide another good rule. Once all the rules have been covered either by you or your child, put them up on the refrigerator where they can be seen easily. If your child breaks one of these rules, point him back to the list which he helped create. According to Pediatric Services, children like "to have a say in things that concern them. To help your child feel that he's not always being bossed around, request feedback from him if possible as you make a new rule or give him instructions..."

Communication

• Sometimes rule-breaking or a failure to follow directions is simple miscommunication. When you expect something to be done a certain way, lay it out with clear directions. Use a positive tone of voice. Make sure the child is looking at you and has her shoulders turned toward you. Eliminate distractions, such as toys or the television. Once the direction is given, have your child repeat it back to you. Wait and listen to any feedback she has. If there is a disagreement, listen and talk through it rather than dismissing her opinions. In the end, she is more likely to follow the instruction once her ideas have been heard.