An Effective Feedback System for Children

Reward His Efforts

• Studies have shown that when parents notice their child's efforts rather than their personal qualities, it helps children understand that hard work is important and improves their persistence on challenging tasks, according to The University of Chicago. Offering praise that focuses on your child's characteristics, such as "You're such a big boy," or "You're so smart," leads him to believe that his abilities are fixed, and when presented with a challenge, he may not perform as well. Instead, point out when he has worked hard to achieve something or when he has given his best effort, despite the outcome. Focus on offering rewards for such efforts, such as putting a sticker on a chart or a marble in a jar each time you notice him working hard. Then, when the chart or jar is filled, he can redeem them for a special treat. When parents praise young children's hard work, they showed positive approaches to challenges five years later because they were taught that they could be successful with effort.

Set a Goal

• Effective feedback should be related to a goal that your child sets and how he is performing on working toward that goal, according to an article in "Educational Leadership." When you offer your child feedback, it should be clear what the goal is. If he does not know what the goal is, he cannot get helpful feedback about it. Visual charts and lists are helpful when setting a goal for your child's behavior or task that is challenging for him. For example, if you want him to keep his room clean, make a chart that describes how he can earn a reward. Set a goal to have his room picked up each night for a week, and then he will be able to earn something special, such as a few extra minutes of game time. Be clear about what you expect and why it is important, saying things such as, "You are responsible for keeping your room clean. Dirty clothes should be in the hamper and toys should be put away."

Be Specific

• When you offer generic praise such as, "Good job," or "That's great," children may feel that you aren't being sincere, and they also don't know what specifically was "great" about what they did. Offer him more specific feedback about his performance like, "Nice swing. You really remembered to extend your arms," or "It was really nice of you to share your favorite toy with your sister." When using a reward system, lay out exact expectations of how he can earn stickers or tokens and also how they can be taken away. When your child makes a mistake, try not to focus on what he did wrong. Instead, it can be more effective to explain how he could improve next time and to be specific about what you expect. For example, "You don't earn a marble in your reward jar this time. Remember to follow directions the first time I ask so you can earn one."

Be Honest

• Your child needs a lot of positive feedback from you, but there is also a time for some negative feedback. Without it, your child can never learn from his mistakes. While positive feedback and praise boost your child's confidence while he acquiring a new skill, negative feedback can help him improve once he is more comfortable with it. Pointing out mistakes in a gentle and informative way is necessary sometimes, according to "Psychology Today." For example, when you are working on math facts with your child, separating a pile of flashcards that he did not answer correctly can help him see what he needs to work on. Tell him he worked hard and praise him for the ones he knew, but then point out where he made some mistakes. When he is aware of what he needs to do to get better, you can better celebrate his improvement when he makes it.