How to Calm Down a Wild 3-Year-Old

At the age of 3, your child is now roaming the social world, experimenting with a wide range of new behaviors. This is a crucial time for parenting, as you can guide your child away from misbehavior and toward positive behavior. To do so, you must focus on the emotions driving your child̵7;s wild actions. To prevent future problems, make the emotion-behavior connection clear to your child and engage in a shared ritual to quell negative emotions.

Instructions

    • 1

      Draw attention to the emotions driving the wild behavior. Use simple terms to explain to your 3-year-old why he is misbehaving. For example, anger could be at the root of sibling rivalry, such as television-remote stealing. Use as simple terms as possible to point out that the driving force is anger, such as by saying, ̶0;I know you feel angry right now.̶1; By pointing out the anger, you draw attention to the emotion, stopping the behavior in the meantime.

    • 2

      Expound on why the wild behavior is an improper reaction to the emotion. Make the connection between the behavior and emotion salient. Again, use simple terms, such as by saying, ̶0;Sometimes when we are angry we forget what̵7;s right and wrong. Anger can trick us into doing bad things.̶1; Get in the habit of connecting your 3-year-old̵7;s emotions and behaviors to get her thinking about her reactions to negative feelings.

    • 3

      Place limits on wild behavior. Explain to your child the boundaries of what he can and cannot do in response to negative emotions. Clearly label the misbehavior and explain that it is inappropriate. For example, explain to a toy-grabbing 3-year-old that, ̶0;Taking things that belong to others is stealing, and stealing is wrong.̶1; This not only shows your disapproval of the action but allows the child himself to internalize the action under a certain label, such as ̶0;stealing̶1; or ̶0;name-calling.̶1;

    • 4

      Learn new responses to negative emotions together. Ask your child for better ways of dealing with negative emotions. As 3-year-olds might not always be active in brainstorming productive solutions to negative feelings, work with her to discover new methods together. For children at this age, offering two acceptable actions as alternatives is useful. According to parenting specialist Dr. Elaine Wilson with the Oklahoma Cooperative Extension, writing on the the Oklahoma State University website, this form of suggestion will allow your child to believe that she had a part in changing her way of reacting to problems, making her more willing to actualize them.

    • 5

      Engage in a relaxing activity. Follow up your emotion-focused discussion with an activity to directly quell the negative emotion. As all children differ in their preferences, you are the best person to decide what activity is most relaxing for your child. For example, you might find that soft music calms your child or that switching to a puzzle instead of a video game helps your child relax. Explain to your child why you̵7;re switching activities, again focusing on the emotion, such as by saying, ̶0;OK, we are going to calm down now and listen to some music. Let̵7;s make the bad feelings go away.̶1; Turn this activity into a ritual for you and your child to cooperatively conquer negative feelings and situations.

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