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Your Parenting Style: Are You An Extreme Parent?

by: Lindsay Hutton Attachment parenting, helicopter parenting, free-range parenting -- these are all terms you've probably heard, but might not know what they mean. Take a look at today's most prevalent parenting styles, and the pros and cons of each, and decide which (if any) you're on board with.

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Parenting styles of today

Your Parenting Style: Are You An Extreme Parent?

Think back to when you were a child--did your parents allow you to roam free and play as you pleased? Or did they keep you within eyesight and make sure you were supervised by an adult at all times? Could you head outside to play for hours on end, and only come home when called for dinner, or were you only allowed to ride your bike to the end of the street, never out of sight of your house?

Chances are, no matter how your parents raised you, there wasn't a special "label" on their parenting style. Today, things are different. It seems that parenting has taken on some extreme forms, and each one has its own rules. Still, while everyone seems to be an expert on raising kids, we all do it our own way. Here's a look at today's most prevalent parenting styles, and the pros and cons of each. Take a look to determine if you're on board with one of these trends.

Attachment Parenting
This term, coined by Dr. William Sears, concentrates on high-touch relationships between child and parent. It promotes physical and emotional closeness through what Dr. Sears calls the Baby Bs--bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedsharing, and boundary building. The Baby Bs are all thought to promote closeness and attentiveness between the parent and baby through continuous contact.

Parents who use this style essentially keep their baby as close as possible at all times. They use their natural instincts and responses, not the clock, for cues on what their child needs. Followers of this style believe babies will tell their parents when they are ready to eat, sleep, sleep alone, be left with a sitter, or cultivate any new behavior.

Parents using this style believe role modeling, rewards for good behavior, time outs, and loss of privileges are the best way to discipline a child, all the while keeping his developmental stage in mind.

Pros
Attachment parenting uses gentle, non-violent discipline based on age-appropriate expectations. Proponents also encourage breastfeeding, which promotes bonding between the mother and baby, and has also been shown to be healthier and a more economical choice for many families.

Cons
Attachment parenting is labor-intensive and demanding. Some opponents feel if puts unrealistic demands and obligations on the parents, especially for working mothers. Many women who work outside the home have reported feeling weighed-down and guilty when they don't feel they've upheld the principles of attachment parenting. For this reason, some believe this has led to an "age of anxiety" for modern-day mothers.

Critics also point out that co-sleeping, which is encouraged by proponents of this style, can be dangerous to babies.

by: Lindsay Hutton

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Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting is also known as hyper-parenting or overparenting. Helicopter parents rarely let their children out of sight, but unlike attachment parenting, it isn't to form a strong bond with their child, it's an attempt to prevent any challenges or obstacles in their child's life that they can foresee, therefore "preserving" their childhood.

For example, an extreme helicopter parent might take down a swing set because her child might fall off it and skin a knee. The parent is "foreseeing" a skinned knee and is therefore preventing it by removing the source.

Pros
In order to prevent anything bad from happening, helicopter parents spend almost all their time with their child. Proponents argue that spending so much time together allows mother and child to bond and form a close relationship. By having such a close relationship, the parents can then be involved in every aspect of their child's life, therefore always knowing that he is safe.

Cons
Many opponents look at it as an extreme form of overprotectiveness. Helicopter parenting is often criticized for being fear-based, and not allowing children to think or act for themselves, resulting in the child losing his sense of independence. Some opponents also believe helicopter parenting can result in the child rebelling down the road.

by: Lindsay Hutton

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Free-Range Parenting

Free-range parenting is in direct opposition to helicopter parenting. Proponents of this parenting style want to preserve the traditional approach--allowing kids to have some freedom without constantly worrying something bad will happen. Free-range parents let their children walk to school alone and ride their bikes outside without supervision. In extreme cases, some parents have even reported allowing their very young children to grocery shop and ride public transportation alone.

Pros
This style is based on the theory that children learn from experience, and that failure can be fruitful. Proponents look at it simply as preparing their child for the real world, instead of preparing the world for their child. It promotes self-reliance and confidence.

Cons
Opponents look at it as dangerous and neglectful. Kids are just that--kids. They should not be treated as adults.

by: Lindsay Hutton

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Tiger Parenting

This new parenting term was recently coined in the popular and controversial book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by self proclaimed tiger mother Amy Chua.

Tiger parents are strict, expect their children to follow rigid rules, and demand excellence in academics. The term stems from the idea that tigers are a symbol of strength and power, and generally inspire fear and respect.

Pros
Proponents believe the stern home environment and strict demands motivate children to perform their best. Tiger parents claim they only expect so much out of their children because they know they can meet their expectations. Children are also taught to respect their parents and elders.

Cons
Opponents believe this form of parenting promotes conformity instead of creativity. Tiger parents use punishment and shame to force their child to improve in areas they think they should, which can result in low self-esteem and very high stress levels. Many tiger parents do not allow their children to play, and instead adhere to a very strict schedule.

For more guidance on establishing your own parenting approaches, read our information about bonding with your child, fostering independence, discipline and setting boundaries.

Do you want to find out more about your mothering style? Take our Mothering Styles quiz.