How to Control Your Four Year Old

Four-year-olds are loving, helpful and curious. They can also be stubborn, contrary and mischievous. At this age, children are seeking more independence and developing some control over their emotions. They are becoming more social, but still don't always "get" the concepts of sharing and cooperation. While still largely self-focused, they are beginning to understand how their actions affect others. They want to please you and love to feel like a valued helper at home, so let them help with simple chores. Loving, consistent discipline and positive reinforcement are key to successfully managing your four-year-old.

Instructions

    • 1

      Explain to your child exactly what your expectations of her are. Outline the family rules she is expected to follow, and describe the consequences for failing to uphold the rules. Children this age need clear guidelines, stated in simple terms. Remind the child as needed of your expectations, the rules and the consequences for breaking them.

    • 2

      Be consistent in your own behavior when you deal with the child. She is far more likely to behave in the desired manner when the rules and consequences are enforced all the time and in a consistent manner.

    • 3

      Follow through with consequences. This means you may have to leave a restaurant in the middle of a meal or leave a full grocery cart at the store without checking out. Your four-year-old needs to realize you mean what you say, and that his misbehavior has immediate and consistent consequences, in order for him to be able to internalize the desired behaviors. If the stated consequence for acting out in a restaurant is having to leave, you must be willing to stand up, pay your bill and take him home, whether the meal is over or not.

    • 4

      Allow the child some choices and flexibility within the structure your rules have established. She has to get dressed when you tell her to, but let her pick which of two outfits she wants to wear. She can only have two stories at bedtime, but let her help pick them out. This allows her to feel she has some control over her environment without bending or breaking the rules.

    • 5

      Praise your four-year-old for making good behavior choices. Be specific in your words so the positive behavior is reinforced. Don't just say "you were good today, thanks." Instead, tell him "I really liked the way you picked up your toys this afternoon without being told." Occasionally reward them with an extra privilege or small treat for good behavior after the fact.

    • 6

      Remind the child that you will always love him, even when you may not like one of his behaviors or choices.

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