How to Make Divorce Easier on a Four-Year-Old

Preschoolers are old enough to understand the basic concept of divorce, but young enough that they may be unable to deal with the emotions that the process brings up. You have the power to help your child get through this confusing time in her life and come out stronger on the other side by keeping the lines of communication open, reassuring your child, keeping life as consistent as possible, and treating your ex with respect in front of your child.

  1. Open Communication

    • Emotions that are bottled up inside can overwhelm a child after a divorce. By making sure that your child has a safe space to talk, you will enable him to process the divorce in a healthy way. Gently explain to your child the impact that the divorce will have on his life -- who will take care of him, what changes in routine will occur and how a divorce is final. Encourage your child to share his thoughts and feelings, reading age-appropriate books about divorce and discussing them. You can also find other people -- such as an aunt, neighbor, friend's parent or teacher -- whom your child might feel more comfortable seeking support from, and give your child the opportunity to do so.

    Gentle Reassurances

    • Preschool children whose parents are divorcing commonly blame themselves for the divorce. As her parent, you will need to reassure your child that the cause of the divorce had nothing to do with her, that you both love her as much as you ever did and that both of you are committed to making this new reality work for her. If possible, include both parents in this conversation.

    Predictable Routines

    • Because a child can feel that his life has been turned upside down by a divorce, making him feel secure should be your primary focus. That means establishing routines and rituals that give your child the feeling that he is in control of his life. Make sure that the visitation schedule is predictable and followed consistently so that your child knows exactly when he will spend time with each parent. In addition, try to ensure that both parents stick to the same basic parenting rules so that your child feels that discipline is consistent.

    Relationship With Your Ex

    • Although it can be difficult to keep the lines of communication open and calm between you and your ex, try your hardest to do so for your child's sake. Save all arguments and disagreements for a time that your child is absent, and never criticize your ex in front of her. When your child returns from visiting with her other parent, refrain from interrogating her about the visit, no matter how curious you might be. A child whose divorced parents work together for her benefit has a strong likelihood of coming out of the divorce stronger.

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