Positive Statements to Use With Children

The human brain processes positive and negative statements differently. The brain processes positive statements faster and more easily than negative ones. This is especially relevant for children under 5 because their mental development is at an early stage. Their brain frequently takes negative statements for positive ones, causing them to appear to disobey instructions. When you tell a young child, "do not squeeze that doll," he is likely to squeeze it. Therefore, first learn to use positive statements to instruct your young children before gradually getting them accustomed to negative statements.

  1. Be Direct

    • Learn to express the instructions for which you use "don't" or "do not" in direct sentences. For instance, instead of telling a child, "Do not run", simply tell her, "Walk." Tell her "Remember your shoes," instead of "Don't forget your shoes." Instead of "Don't play with your food," say, "Use your spoon" or "Eat your food." Think of the exact action you want the child to perform and state it. This approach requires some practice as you may have become accustomed to using negative statements for many instructions.

    Be Polite

    • Young children do not welcome the forceful sounds of imperatives like "Never" and "You must not." Their early mental and psychological development make them more likely to accept instructions you introduce politely, rather than those you introduce with impolite and forceful words. From time to time, use words like "please" or "will you" to introduce your orders. Instead of "Don't talk," you can say, "Please be quiet." In the same way, "Will you come with me" is better than "Do not play now! Come with me!"

    Use Incentives

    • Children like gifts, so to encourage obedience, promise them gifts from time to time as you give them instructions. This approach will also help you to cultivate the habit of using positive statements because you can best express such promises in direct and positive ways. For instance, to a child who is reluctant to brush his teeth, do not say, "You cannot have a cookie until you brush your teeth." Instead, say, "I will give you a cookie if you go and brush your teeth now."

    Avoid Forceful Contradictions

    • You are likely to confuse your young child and make her disobey you if you contradict her with forceful instructions. People usually introduce such contradicting instructions with "Stop!" and "No!" Frequently, your young child will react to forceful orders with a confused stare at you, a cry or a direct disobedience. Therefore, tell her to "Leave the water in the basin" rather than "Stop splashing the water!" "Write in your notebook!" would be better than "No drawing in your notebook!"

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