Strategies to Help an Impulsive Child With Frustration

Susan Stiffelman, marriage and family therapist and author of, "Parenting Without Power Struggles," acknowledged in a Huffington Post article that a child with impulse control issues acts younger than he really is because he hasn't yet achieved the ability to pause before deciding whether the action he's about to take is, in fact, appropriate. When this child becomes frustrated his impulsiveness may be magnified, causing further issues. You may try to control or eliminate undesirable behavior with the use of threats, lectures and punishments, often with limited results. Adjusting your expectations and making changes over time can help stretch your child's impulse control and frustration tolerance.

  1. Executive Functioning

    • In the article, "Why Impulse Control Is Harder Than Ever," published on Scholastic.com, Dr. Michelle Anthony shares the advice of Dr. Becky Bailey, early childhood and developmental psychology expert, that parents can help their child with impulse control by assisting her with the development of her executive functioning skills. Executive functioning skills include being able to follow through on a task by planning, problem-solving, organizing and following through to completion. This will assist your child with thinking and planning rather than reacting emotionally. As she strengthens these skills, emotions, such as frustration, will have less of an impact on her as she will gradually begin to feel a sense of control over her environment.

    Parental Response

    • Model the appropriate responses when you are frustrated as your child will pick up on the way you respond and likely mimic your behavior. The next time you spill your coffee at the breakfast table, talk the problem through in a rational manner aloud so your child is able to hear your thoughts and see what the appropriate response to frustration is. For example, "I am so frustrated. I am feeling rushed already and now I spilled my coffee. I need to sit here for 10 seconds and breathe before I clean up my mess." This process will assist your child in developing his own inner voice, which will likely increase his frustration tolerance and lessen his impulsiveness.

    Do Over

    • Due to a lack of impulse control and a strong sense of frustration, your child may have issues with physically impulsive behaviors that impede his socialization. Joyce Cooper-Kahn, Ph.D., and Laurie Dietzel, Ph.D., co-authors of "Late, Lost and Unprepared," suggest stopping your child's actions and encouraging a "do over" with a response that warrants the situation. For example, Your 6-year-old son has just hit his friend during a play date for accidentally knocking over his Lego structure. You step in and say, "I can see how angry you are but it is never OK to hit over a toy. You can tell your friend you're mad and even stomp your foot." Encourage your child to say, "I'm mad" and stomp his foot. When he is calm, encourage him to tell you why he is angry. Eventually, your child may begin to brainstorm his own solutions to handle his intense emotions.

    Relaxation

    • Relaxation skills are essential for the impulsive child, especially during times of anger or frustration. In her article, "Relaxation, Guided Imagery and Visualization Techniques," on Family Education.com, Sandra F. Rief, an author and speaker with a master's in general and special education, suggests teaching your child deep breathing, relaxation and visualization exercises to use when she is frustrated. Let your child know that feeling relaxed will help her better manage the thinking and planning part of her brain. She also suggests having your child think of a color that makes her feel calm and peaceful. Have her close her eyes and, in kid-friendly terms, instruct her to imagine the color extending to all areas of her body until she is completely relaxed and feels in control. These are skills she can use wherever and whenever the need arises.

    2. Previous:

    Next:

    • Sensory Activities for Children Who Are Angry
      Children are bound to get angry from time to time. However, dealing with this anger may be difficult. Providing a routine that deals with anger and teaches a child appropriate emotional outlets is vital to keeping anger under control. Sensory activit
    • How to Get Control of Your Out of Control Child
      Dealing with a child that displays uncontrolled behavior causes understandable stress. Whether the behaviors include tantrums, hostility, non-compliance to family rules or other disruptive actions, learning how to gain control provides relief for the
    • Why do children like to play dress up?
      Children love to play dress-up for a variety of reasons:Imagination and Creativity:* Transformative Power: Playing dress-up allows children to step into different roles and identities. They can be a superhero, a princess, a doctor, or even a dinosau