What Do You Do When Your Stepchildren Are Trying to Ruin Your Relationship With Your Spouse?

New stepparents might find that marital bliss has vanished and conflict with stepchildren has surfaced. Left as it is, this conflict could take a serious toll on your marriage. Learning how to navigate the politics of your new stepfamily can help you protect your marriage.

  1. Determining the Source of the Problem

    • If you married shortly after your spouse divorced, his children might still be coping with a sense of loss, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. His children might be pining for their parents to get back together, and you are seen as the obstacle. Your stepchildren might also worry that you will attempt to replace their mother or that you will prevent their mother from being involved in their lives, according to PBS. Ask your husband to talk to his children about their concerns, including why they might not like you or why they are behaving poorly to cause trouble.

    Speaking Up

    • The best thing you can do when trouble surfaces with your stepchildren is to approach your husband about your concerns, according to KidsHealth. Though you should avoid saying unnecessarily hurtful things about your stepchildren, honestly recounting an event that happened to you is important. You and your husband can talk about how he should approach the problem. If your spouse will not speak up to his children or ignores it, suggest seeing a counselor together.

    Bonding With Your Stepchildren

    • Though it might seem difficult to do when you feel your stepchildren are out to ruin your marriage, bonding can ease family tension. Making an effort to enjoy the favorite activities of your stepchildren might help them see you in a new light, according to the Raising Children Network of Australia. Regular family meetings, during which the kids can voice their concerns, might also be a helpful way to reduce tension, according to the Mayo Clinic. Bonding with the mother of your stepchildren and speaking positively of her, even if you are not fond of her, can also go a long way in building respect between you and your stepchildren.

    Additional Help

    • It can take a long time for resentment to cool after you have married and formed a blended family. The relationship with your stepchildren might never be warm, and might at best be civil, according to PBS. If struggles with your stepchildren continue to affect your marriage and do not fade, your family might need the intervention of a marriage counselor or other trained mental health worker.

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