Should You Tell Your Kids Your Spouse Cheated?

Whether to tell children your spouse cheated is a momentous and potentially life-altering consideration. Infidelity is not a trivial matter and children who learn of a parent's infidelity may be deeply affected. Parents should carefully balance a variety of considerations, taking each into account and weighing the total impact of discussing the affair. The interests of the children, not the parents, should guide a parent as he or she considers discussing a spouse's infidelity.

  1. Age of the Children

    • A younger child may not understand the concept of cheating on a spouse. Parents of very young children may decide simply to tell very young children that the family is going through a difficult time. Teenagers, by contrast, understand affairs and may have even been the victim of an affair themselves. Their friends often will have parents who have gone through an affair themselves, so parents can consider informing the teenager. .

    Difficulties in Daily Life

    • If the affair has caused you and your spouse to fight or if one of you has left the home, you will need to explain these events to your children. Otherwise, children may feel as if they are responsible. Sometimes telling a child about the affair can convince him that he was truly not to blame for marital stress.

    Rumour Mill

    • If the community is aware of the affair, it is best to tell the truth to your children. Otherwise, they may learn the truth from some other source. A children's peers or an unwitting adult may assume the child knows of the affair and may make a remark that causes great pain to all concerned. Afterward, your child may feel as if she can't trust you to tell her the truth.

    The Other Man or Woman

    • If the cheating spouse intends to continue the affair, it is best to explain the affair to the children so that they are able to cope with meeting the other man or woman. If you and your spouse intend to divorce and your spouse will marry the other person, your children will almost certainly meet that person and must be prepared.

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