Effects of Gender Disappointment on Kids
Gender disappointment refers to the phenomenon of parents experiencing regret or sadness about the gender of their child. Although parents sometimes express that they don̵7;t have a preference other than for the health of the child, mothers and fathers do sometimes feel genuine disappointment about their baby̵7;s gender. This can affect the way parents treat their children, resulting in problems for the kids as they continue developing. Other parents might eventually set aside their original gender preference, resulting in little or no effects.
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Background for Gender Preference
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Although cultures in other parts of the world trend toward a preference for boys, in the United States there might be a slightly higher preference for girls, although both boys and girls are desired, according to Ingender.com. Outside of personal conversations, evidence of parent gender preference includes online message boards, and the purchase of gender kits that advertise high percentage rates for helping achieve a boy or girl baby, depending on the kit purchased. When families have a preference for a boy or a girl, this preference often relates to a desire for ̶0;family balancing,̶1; or having both genders present in their offspring, rather than all boys or all girls.
Parental Acceptance, Rejection
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When a child knows that she has disappointed her parents, this can have disastrous effects for her self-esteem and self-image. Feeling not accepted or rejected could cause problems, perhaps even problems such as eating disorders. Although a 2013 George Fox University study did not find a statistically significant correlation between gender disappointment and eating disorders, study participants who experienced parental rejection based on their gender openly discussed how they saw connections between the two experiences.
Uninvolved Parenting
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Although some parents might immediately forget their original preferences for a boy or girl, disappointment can have lasting effects in others. Sadness, or depression could result in less-involved parenting, according to NBC News. Parents might look at their boy and imagine what he would look like as a girl, or struggle to cheerfully purchase dresses or girl-themed toys for children of friends and family members. Although parents can work to mask these emotions in front of their children, or work issues out with a therapist, a child should be made to feel like a welcome and complete family member. Children can tell when they have created discontentment and disappointment for parents, creating long-term problems related to acceptance.
Expectations and Gender
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Even when parents receive the boy or girl they had hoped for, disappointment is still possible. For example, mothers might prefer to have daughters because they envision a close, lifelong bond and special relationship with a female, according to ̶0;The New York Times.̶1; But having a daughter is not a guarantee that the special relationship envisioned will develop, creating disappointment for the mother and possible distress for the daughter if she feels that she is not meeting her mother̵7;s high expectations. The same scenario could occur in a father-son relationship or another gender combination, due to unmet expectations.
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