What Makes Toddlers Manipulative?

It can come as a shock the first time you notice your seemingly innocent toddler peek up from a crying fit to see if her tears are working. According to clinical psychologist Susan Rutherford, toddlers learn how to get specific results from their parents from the age of fifteen months, so your toddler might engage in manipulative behavior in order to get a desired result. Understanding the reasons toddlers manipulate can help you begin teaching your toddler appropriate alternatives.

  1. Doing What Gets Results

    • Pretending to cry is usually one of the first ways toddlers try to manipulate. According to the California Department of Education, children as young as nine months anticipate help when they cry. By the time your child reaches toddlerhood, he is aware that crying is a very effective way to get what he wants. When your toddler pretends to cry, he isn't intentionally being deceitful, but is simply doing what has always worked in the past.

    Monkey See, Monkey Do

    • A toddler who has siblings is likely to imitate behavior that receives a desired reaction. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, imitation by the age of two is a normal part of a child's development. While this often results in your toddler imitating good behavior, it can also result in manipulation. For example, when your toddler sees the attention her sick brother receives, she might imitate his behavior in an attempt to receive the same attention. She isn't intentionally pretending to be sick, but simply mimicking behavior that receives a positive reaction.

    Bribery and Threats

    • When trying to get your toddler to behave, it can be tempting to promise either a reward or a punishment. This is a way of trying to manipulate him, so rather than teaching him good behavior, it teaches him that everything is a negotiation. Bribery teaches children that good behavior always deserves a reward, so your toddler may perform minor tasks that he sees as good behavior just to get you to give him what he wants. He may also imitate your attempts at manipulation by saying "I hate you" or "I'll be good" as a form of threat or bribe.

    Concern with Her Own Needs

    • According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers are just starting to become aware of themselves as separate from other people. This means that your toddler is only just learning to see you as a separate person with your own needs rather than just the person who brings her food, reads her stories, and gives her cuddles. She doesn't understand that you have your own feelings and might be upset if she cries or says something mean and is only focused on getting you to give her what she wants.

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