What to Do When Your Toddler Is Defiant

Toddlers are learning to be individuals and as they grow and learn, there is often a mix of excitement and frustration that directly correlates with exploring the world around them and testing their limits, according to the article, "Defiance: Why It Happens and What to Do About It," published on the Baby Center website. Defiant behavior, as challenging as it may be for parents, is expected from toddlers; a loving, caring response coupled with empathy and understanding can help you to help your toddler develop appropriate responses to his sometimes overwhelming impulses and feelings.

  1. Playful Reverse Psychology

    • You've probably noticed your toddler meets your "yes" with "no" and your "no" with "yes." While this is healthy as she strives for independence, it can be frustrating for the both of you. If you want your toddler to pick up her toys, for example, pretend that it isn't so important to you that she do so, recommends Deborah Carpenter in her Parenting.com article, "Outsmart Your Toddler." She notes that defiance is your toddler's normal desire for independence and using reverse psychology in a playful manner can help you both to get what you want. With the toys, you playfully say, "I really don't think you can pick up all of those toys before it's time to go to bed." Your toddler will likely respond in a positive manner, proudly showing you how quickly she can pick up her mess. The result is a happy toddler and happy parents.

    Remove Your Toddler

    • If your toddler displays defiance in a public place or during a social outing, such as a party or playdate, remove him from the situation, recommends Julie Tilsner, author of "Dealing With Defiance," on Parenting.com. Issue a warning to your toddler to stop the misbehavior or he will have to stop the activity and go home. If he continues with his behavior, follow through. For example, if your toddler screams during story hour, tell him to stop and that you will take him home if he screams again. The next time he screams, calmly remove him, take him home and explain to him why you left.

    Positive Communication

    • Let your toddler know what you expect her to do in a positive manner, according to the website, "What to Expect.com." Try, "Please walk in the house," rather than, "Don't run." This may help to reduce the temptation to defy you. Even if you find your toddler charming and hilarious, say no with authority so your toddler learns that you mean business. If you laugh at her naughty behavior or while you are saying no, she'll be less likely to take you seriously. Set boundaries in her environment that limit your need to say no constantly, as this will help to prevent the overuse of the word "no" and the possibility of your child tuning you out, according to "What to Expect.com."

    Developmental Stage

    • Most mothers are guilty of doing too much in one day, resulting in a toddler meltdown as a result of hunger, fatigue or boredom. By keeping a step ahead of your toddler and recognizing his needs as well as your own, you can avoid situations that may trigger a meltdown, according to the Baby Center website. Substitute things he may want to do but can't with something he can, such as holding a spoon rather than a fork while you are waiting for your food at the restaurant. Assist your toddler with transitions by giving him a warning before it's time to stop playing or leave a playdate. This shows respect for your toddler and helps him to process and accept it.

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