Talking to Teens About Moving

Be Honest and Straightforward

• A teenager is old enough to handle some hard truths, so avoiding the topic of a move won̵7;t help anything. Sit her down for a talk as soon as you know a move is imminent. Explain to her the reasons for the move, without assigning any blame. Say something like ̶0;Dad̵7;s been offered a better job in Springfield and the extra money will really help̶1; instead of ̶0;Dad̵7;s not earning enough at his current job, and we have to move.̶1; If things other than her address are going to change, be upfront. Tell her that staying on her gymnastics team won̵7;t be possible, but that you̵7;ll find her a new team. Knowing that the move is necessary might help her see that you̵7;re not uprooting her arbitrarily.

Encourage Her to Talk

• She might slam doors, sob or throw insults at you upon hearing that you̵7;re moving. Talking to an upset teen is like talking to a wall, and she should be allowed time to sort through all the emotions she̵7;s feeling. In the days and weeks after your announcement, invite her to talk to you about her concerns; KidsHealth.org says that this is an important step in preparing a teenager for a move. If she doesn̵7;t feel comfortable talking to you about her feelings, try asking her to write a list of the things worrying her. Buy her a journal to write in or arrange for her to spend time with an adult she trusts so she can vent. Don't push her to talk, since she might need time to deal with this transition. Hopefully she'll eventually be ready to share her anger, worry or fear with you.

Focus on the Pros

• Unless you̵7;re moving from a mansion to a one-bedroom apartment, your teenager will likely benefit from some aspect of the move. KidsHealth.org suggests talking to your teenager about the perks of the move, like the fact that she̵7;ll be better prepared for the transition of going to college if she̵7;s already dealt with one big move. Arm yourself with research and facts about the new area. Find museums and clothing stores she̵7;ll like, or buy her music from local musicians to help her find a new area band to support. You might also promise her something in the new home that she doesn̵7;t have right now. Allow her to choose new furniture for her bedroom or buy her the hammock she̵7;s always wanted for the new backyard.

Check In Often

• A teen's distress over a move doesn't end when her boxes are unpacked. A child this age is often deeply entrenched in her social life, and if she's leaving friends behind for a new town, she'll probably go through a period of grieving. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, children seem depressed because of the stress of moving. Once you've moved in, ask her often how she's feeling. You'll be able to tell if she's withdrawn and sad, and if these feelings persist, you might consider finding her a therapist to talk to. Manage your own stress and maintain a positive attitude during this period, since she'll get her cues from you. If she seems lost post-move, you might schedule trips back to her old neighborhood to show her that she can stay connected with her old friends even if she doesn't see them every day.