How to Deal WIth Your Teen Lying To You

In an attempt to get away with something, or at least minimize the consequences, people will sometimes lie, and teens are no exception. For example, suppose that your daughter has a friend over when you're out for the evening. You know what she did, because a neighbor saw the friend arrive and told you. But when you ask your daughter, "Was (name of friend) here?' she says, 'No'.

Instructions

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      Try to impress on your teen the tremendous harm a lie can do. Not only does it create immediate problems, but it also makes you wonder whether she's lied in the past. Lies undermine trust, and trust is hard to earn and even more difficult to reestablish once it's been lost. If your teen has lied, you might say something like, 'I'm really hurt that you lied to me. Lying undermines my trust in you, and it undermines your integrity in your won eyes. Is what you did really worth all that?' It may be that the lie is worse than your teen's misbehavior. If so, you can mention that as well.

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      What about consequences? Here's a borrowed idea from a common road sign - Work Zone: Speeding Fines Doubled. If the teen disobeys but tells the truth, the normal consequences should hold. However, when a teen disobeys AND lies about it, the penalty should be doubled.

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      What if she doesn't tell an outright lie, but instead stretches or evades the truth? For example, when you ask, 'Was (name of friend) here?' and she replies, 'No one was here this evening'. Maybe your teen defines evening as the time of day between six pm and nine pm, and her friend didn't arrive until 'night' - after nine pm. Make it clear that a lie is a lie, and the results and consequences are the same.

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