Do Teenagers Crave Popularity?

If thinking back to your own high school years conjures up images of the angelic prom queen that was, in your mind, on a totally different social stratosphere, you'll understand how your teen might crave popularity. While the teen years are certainly a time of striking out in a new-found independence, they are also a period in which kids want nothing more than to fit in and find acceptance with peers.

  1. Cliques

    • One of the driving factors behind a teenager craving popularity is the prevalence of cliques. Unlike friendship groups, cliques -- according to the child development experts at the KidsHealth website -- form in a more exclusionary way. Instead of gathering together based on similar interests or true emotionally supportive friendships, cliques tend to focus on adhering to strict guidelines -- such as having certain looks and dating certain people -- and will routinely isolate kids who don't fit the mold. While cliques are generally negative social groups that can cause a host of problems, including making other kids feel badly about themselves, teens might want to join the more popular circles in order to boost their own self-image or just fit in. Talk with your teen about cliques, letting him know that although he might crave the popularity that membership in a clique brings, they aren't groups that will bring him true friends.

    Independence and Friends

    • The American Academy of Pediatrics, on its Healthy Children website, notes that as your teen becomes more independent, she might gradually move away from wanting to spend her free time with you, and the rest of the family, and rely more on her friends for social activities. As peers grow in importance, having more friends -- or being popular -- is something that teens begin to crave.

    Peer Pressure

    • While craving popularity in itself isn't always negative -- after all, why wouldn't you want your child to have a full set of friends? -- when your teen's peers pressure him to act in unacceptable ways, problems can quickly arise. For example, if the popular kids get drunk on Friday nights after the high school football games, your teen might feel pressure to join and drink, too. He might feel as though saying "no" or walking away will make him unpopular. Discuss peer pressure with your teen, helping him to understand that resisting other kids' influences won't make him uncool. let him know that standing up for himself will make him a better person in the long run and show his peers that he has confidence.

    Staying Popular

    • Your teen might not always end up on the victim end of the peer pressure or clique spectrum. Craving popularity might also mean acting as a bully, or putting the pressure on others, in order to maintain the status quo. For example, if your teen is considered one of the most popular girls at school, she might have gotten there -- and stayed in that position -- by excluding others who don't follow her rules. If your teen craves popularity to point where she is heading up her own clique or acting in unkind ways to other kids, step in immediately. While you might enjoy bragging to your friends and co-workers about your teen's popularity or her recent election as homecoming queen, you absolutely cannot allow her bully others. Talk to your teen about acting in a kind, respectful way or role-play a circumstance in which she is on the receiving end of peer pressure to help her better understand what others are going through.

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