How to Get Your Teen to Do Something With Her Life
If your teen is becoming a permanent fixture on the family couch, it's time to get her up and moving. Whether she's close to graduation and has yet to come up with a career plan or she's still in the throes of high school and won't join any clubs or sports, there's no doubt that getting her motivated is going to be a challenge. To help your cause, try a few tactics -- all that involve your love, attention and persistence.
Instructions
Listen, don't just talk. Have conversations with your teen, during which you make a pointed effort to learn about what she wants out of life. If you're only focused on what you want your teen to do with her life, you'll tend to come up with solutions centered around those things. Knowing your teen's strengths, weaknesses and desires can help you come up with solutions that fit her desires instead of yours. Take advantage of her need to be with her peers. Getting your teen to sign up for a pre-college course or volunteer with an organization related to her interests is a positive step -- but the activity in itself won't motivate every teen. Talk to a friend's parents about signing the teens up for the same activity, or offer to pay for the activity for one or two of your teen's friends. Praise the positive examples her peers are making, recommends California-based teen counselor Uriah Guilford. Showing your teen the good examples that others are setting might add a little competition or comparison into the mix and might motivate your teen to do something similar to what that person is doing. Make compromises. Increase her allowance if she agrees to spend more time on college applications. Offer a new video game or a new outfit if she signs up for a summer career exploration course. There's a fine line between bribery and incentives, but offering some type of reward can be a big motivator for getting her off the couch. Expose her to many experiences and people from many walks of life. It's possible that your teen is unmotivated to do something with her life because she hasn't found something that excites her. Take her camping, to the theater or to book signings, cultural events, music shows or technology conferences. These events can help you learn new things too, and they give you and your teen the chance to spend some time together -- something she still needs, in spite of what she might say. Another idea: Connect with some of the professionals you know and ask if your teen can participate in a job-shadowing experience. Seek help from your teen's guidance counselor. School counselors are not there just to help teens with problems, but also to guide students as they explore the next phases of life. Talk to the counselor about your concerns and ask for ideas for your unique situation. Along the same lines, stay in contact with your teen's teachers and let them know you're looking for ways to motivate your teen and help her find a career path. Create a goals worksheet with your teen. Talk to her about a goal she has the future, and then help her write out the individual steps for getting there. For example, if your teen hopes to be a lifeguard for the summer, help her write out the steps of applying for and attending the lifeguard course, taking the exams and buying the basic gear she'll need. Post the goal sheet in a conspicuous place in her room or office and check in with her progress from time to time. If that works, set up another goal sheet after that, outlining the steps she needs to take to pursue a certain career.