How to Talk to Teens About Drinking
Teenagers don't announce to parents, "I drank a wine cooler" or "I smoked a joint." Experimentation with drugs, alcohol and cigarettes is done with friends, in secret. Parents can never know for sure if their teens are drinking, taking drugs or smoking, but they can certainly participate in open dialogue imparting the information that kids need to make safe decisions. Here are 10 areas to include in your conversations about drinking.
Instructions
Find out what your teen knows. Many teenagers believe they can't talk to their parents about drinking or drugs because their parents immediately "freak out" or "start with the lecture." Teens are curious about adult things and the only way to find out what your teen knows is to stay open-minded and let teens talk about concerns and ideas as they come up. Not only will you find out what they are thinking and doing, but you can throw in your 2 cents. Give "call me" instructions. Your child needs to be told specifically that he can call you no matter what. Tell him over and over: "You can call me, no matter what." Let your teens that if they have been drinking, or if their friends have been drinking, and it isn't safe to drive that they can call you and you will come get them. Remind them often. Keep the conversation going. Education about drinking does not start and end with one conversation. Talking about drugs and alcohol needs to be ongoing so that all aspects are explored thoroughly. When having discussions, listen to your teen's point of view. When sharing what you think, try hard not to lecture. A few questions your can pose to yourself and your teen: Is it ever OK to allow a teen to drink? What is your philosophy about a parent providing alcohol or drugs to a teenager? Do you think alcohol is a good way to relax? How much is too much? What is your philosophy about drinking and driving? How do you handle it when friends drink too much? Allow for the possibility. Allowing for the possibility that your teen might drink lets you employ realistic preventative measures. While you can't be absolutely sure of what your teens are doing, you can be aware of what's happening in their social circle. By paying attention to the clues you're getting and asking your child what she thinks, you'll be aware of her decision-making process. That way, you can handle your concerns before experimentation turns into a problem of habitual use or addiction. Find the balance between being completely naive and assuming the worst. Imposing the rule that your teen never, ever drinks is OK, but there is a possibility that he will experiment with alcohol. You want him to know your expectations and he needs to think about the issues in advance so he can make a wise choice. Some questions to ask your teen: What do you do when you are at a party and all your friends are drinking? When, if ever, you do drink is your purpose to get drunk, buzzed, to relax or to be social? What do you consider to be social drinking? Watch for double messages. Teens get far too many double messages about drinking. They don't need double messages from their parents, too. Teens hate it when they see their parents drunk or using drugs. If you come home from work and say, "I really need a drink," you're sending the message that alcohol is the way to handle stress and problems. Set a good example. Parents are important role models for children. Studies indicate that if a parent uses alcohol, his children are more likely to drink themselves. Use alcohol moderately, and don't tell your kids stories about your own drinking in a way that conveys that alcohol use is funny or glamorous. When entertaining other adults, keep alcohol-free beverages on hand and plenty of food. Encourage friendships, and get to know your child's friends. Do her friends drink? Talk directly with your teen about the qualities in a friend that really count, such as trustworthiness and kindness, rather than popularity or a "hip" attitude. Include friends on outings and in discussions about these topics. Provide exciting activities. One reason kids drink is to beat boredom. Encourage teens to participate in activities that are challenging and exciting. Discuss refusal techniques. Help your teen find a few excuses for not participating in the alcohol and drug scene. Tell your teen that it's OK to never drink. Teens who have the courage to go against the norm and do what they know is best for themselves is admirable. Oh yes, and while you're making this point, drop in this fact, too: Throwing up is a sign that you've had too much to drink.
