How to Set Boundaries for Teens

Since pushing boundaries is a natural part of normal teen development, setting boundaries for your teen can seem like a challenging task -- especially when you feel your teen resists your attempts to establish rules and limits with all of her might. Teens need to test the waters to establish their own coherent sense of identity. But that doesn't mean you should give your teen free rein to do whatever she wants. Finding a healthy balance between your teen's desire for independence and your responsibility to maintain a certain level of control can help you set reasonable and appropriate boundaries.

Instructions

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      Allow your teen to make her own mistakes. Boundaries should be flexible enough to allow your teen to make and learn from her mistakes so that she develops a sense of self-efficacy and responsibility. Provide input and express your concerns about choices, but allow your teen to make her own decisions in matters that concern her, such as redecorating her room or shopping for clothes, advises parenting expert and educator Anju Musafir-Chazot in her book, "Parenting Teens in Modern Times."

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      Avoid extremes when setting rules and limits, advises Planned Parenthood. Discuss your expectations with your teen in advance so you are both on the same page. For example, establish a realistic curfew for your teen by asking other parents about the times they have set for their teens' curfew. If your teen is the only one who has a 7 p.m. curfew on a school night, she's more likely to resist and disobey your rule.

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      Determine the areas where your teen needs limits. Some teens require a lot of structure to be successful, while others do not, according to the Partnership for a Drug-free America. Think about your teen's personality and habits. For example, perhaps he isn't very reliable about doing homework. You may need to limit what he can do on school nights. Or perhaps he hangs out with a questionable peer group. You may need to restrict the amount of time he spends with these friends and discuss your concerns about their potential negative influence.

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      Limit the amount of time your teen spends on social media, says Anita Gurian, clinical assistant professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. You should have a basic idea of what she's doing and who she's interacting with when she's online.

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      Provide your teen with opportunities to take more responsibility. Doing for your teen what she can do for herself creates blurred boundaries, says licensed mental health counselor Debbie Pinchus, in an article for Empowering Parents. Let her know her responsibilities and discuss when you expect them to be accomplished. For example, your teen doesn't need you to clean up her room when she's at school. Let her know you expect her to make her bed and to pick up dirty clothes before she leaves in the morning.

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