The Conflict Between Adolescents & Parents

When a teen and a parent argue, it does not mean that something is wrong with the relationship. It means that the participants are on different wavelengths in wishes, values, attitudes or beliefs. Conflict is never easy, but it is more prevalent in households where there are teenagers attempting to establish individualism and a parent reluctant to accept the changes.

  1. Topics Causing Conflict

    • Where there are an adolescent and a parental figure in a home, any topic can trigger a disagreement. Topics that cause the greatest stress in a family include household rules and responsibilities, according to Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt, an expert in parenting. School-related issues also set off many arguments, as does nonconformance to values held by the family.

    Reasons for Conflict

    • Certain processes must occur for the child to reach healthy emotional adulthood, according to Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D. In the article "Parent/adolescent Conflict: Fighting to Communicate," Pickhardt identifies separation, differentiation and opposition as necessary processes.

      In the separation process, the teen wants distance from parents and family to gain individuality in the social world and to establish privacy. Because of the desire to separate, the teen communicates less with the parents, which concerns them.

      In the period of differentiation, the teen begins to experiment with self-images to discern who he wants to become. Hair, clothing styles and individual image are important to the teen. Often, the parent does not agree with some of the choices, which is natural.

      Opposition is the process of challenging parental authority. Parent and child disagree about what is acceptable, fair, good or bad. Disagreement can become a way of life in the family.

    Mistakes

    • Often conflict between teens and parents turns into a battle of wills. Both parties strive to win each argument, and winning rather than communication becomes the objective.

      Blame is a destructive entity in any conversation. Understanding what someone is saying is the necessary focus, not who is at fault.

      Yelling tends to shift the emphasis onto who can be louder, not the essence of the conversation.

    What Teens Want

    • In her article "Teens and Parents in Conflict," Dr.Teri Apter, a specialist in family dynamics, explains that a teenager wants acknowledgment from a parent. The teen expects the parent to know that this transforming individual can act like an adult and make good decisions. The recognition of maturity and value as a person is also high on a teenager's list.

    Pressures on Teens

    • Academic studies, society and peers cause most of the pressure that a teenager must endure. The way that the teen chooses to handle the burdens of upcoming adulthood can determine her future path. An observant and guiding parent can help along the way.

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