Helping Teens Identify Values

Your teen might seem immature and silly at times, but he's actually making the transition from child to adult at a fairly rapid rate. As a parent, it's your job to equip your teen with the values that you find important as he heads into adulthood. Of course, you can't force your values on your teen. Instead, modeling behavior and sending a clear message about what you and your family find important should help him develop his own opinions on what really matters.

  1. Communicate and Ask Questions

    • Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your teen helps you better place where her values and influences currently lie. In an article for FamilyEducation.com, Dr. Susan Linn suggests using media as fodder for conversation. If your teen says she loves an actress, ask her what she admires in that person. It'll give you insight into what's important to your teen at the moment. You can also chat about conflicts she's having in school and how to resolve them as a way to impress upon on her values like responsibility, action, friendship and communication.

    Give Choices

    • Your teen will have a hard time identifying his own values if he's never given the opportunity. Although you may want to protect your teen from anything unpleasant, making all of the big decisions for him robs him of the opportunity to make choices, make mistakes and enjoy success -- all experience that can help him figure out his own core values. Choose your battles wisely and give your teen choices and responsibility as you trust him to find out what's important to him.

    Set Standards

    • As the guardian of your teen, you have the right to set certain standards in your home for behavior, treatment of others, work and interests that can impact your teen. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services urges that you take a "show-and-tell" approach to helping your teen identify her values; that is, you let her know your family's value system and then work to model that behavior so she understands the importance and action behind those values.

    Offer Experiences

    • Experience is one of the most influential ways to identify core values. Whether it's volunteering at a local food bank, playing on a community soccer team, traveling with a class or joining a church group, life experience helps your teen understand what's important to him. Give your teen plenty of chances to experience different people, circumstances, cultures and values so he has a broader view of the world around him and how his values apply.

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