How to Help a Step-Daughter Become an Independent Teen

Being a stepparent to a teenage girl can be a joy -- or a test of your patience and love for her birth parent. If your stepdaughter is particularly dependent either on her other parent or you, encouraging her to develop her independence while helping her feel safe enough to do so is a balancing act, and it will require the utmost sensitivity, compassion and firmness. Help your stepdaughter find the life she's meant to live by guiding her toward independence.

Instructions

    • 1

      Praise her talents and show an interest in her interests. Not only does this show you care about her, it also shows her you want her to succeed. If you notice she's playing a song on the piano without stumbling, tell her how much she's improved since she first started playing. If she wins a ribbon on field day at school, tell her you think she'd be great on the track team. Remind her frequently that the world needs her passion and skill.

    • 2

      Agree on a time when she is required to be out of the house, doing a specified activity on her own. If she's particularly shy, this might mean that you drop her off at the library for an hour and come back to pick her up. Encourage her to invite a friend to join her; not only will she be participating in an activity independently of you, she'll be developing social relationships with her peers.

    • 3

      Ask your spouse to help you brainstorm ideas for independent activities and back you up when you insist your stepdaughter follow through. After all, as your stepdaughter's parent, your spouse is primarily responsible for her well-being when she is in your home. She needs support and clear boundaries, and your spouse should help you set and maintain them.

    • 4

      Help her find a job. Ask her to bring home job applications and help her fill them out. Encourage her to ask for an application when she shops in a store or eats at a restaurant. Having a job and her own money is a major step toward independence.

    • 5

      Allow her to make mistakes without stepping in to prevent them. Share stories from your past as a means of guiding her to make wiser choices, but remind her -- and yourself -- that the choices are ultimately her own. Practice makes perfect, so unless she's in immediate danger, let her fall and get back up. Building resilience builds independence.

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