Why Do Teens Hide Their True Self?

Some teens are like chameleons changing their styles and interests to match those of their peers. Others are secretive about their interests, keeping their guard up and allowing almost no one access to their genuine passions. Both behaviors may seem paradoxical to parents -- after all, if you are trying to make friends, why don̵7;t you show people what you are really like? They are both, however, quite common for developing teens. Better understand your teen̵7;s struggle with revealing her true self so you can more effectively support her during this tumultuous stage of development.

  1. Developing Sense of Self

    • If you ask your teen who she is, she likely won̵7;t be able to provide you with a solid answer. Why not? Because she doesn̵7;t know. During teen years, adolescents begin the tedious task of figuring out who they are as individuals, notes Timothy A. Pschyl, Ph. D. for Psychology Today. Just as someone looking to overhaul her wardrobe might try on different outfits to see how they look on her, your teen will try on different personalities to gauge which personality feels right. Don̵7;t be surprised when your teen becomes fickle at this age, as it is a natural part of the process she must go through to become a confident and adult who is comfortable in her skin.

    Fitting In

    • As children move through adolescence and become teens, they commonly feel a need to fit in with their peers. To better mesh with those who fill their school or neighborhood, they may adopt the behaviors of those they want to befriend, says Clea McNeely and Jayne Blanchard in their Johns Hopkins University-sponsored guidebook, ̶0;The Teen Years Explained.̶1; During this stage of development, burgeoning teens commonly mimic the fashions and adopt the hobbies of peers who they perceive as cool, desperately trying to earn spots in the cliques of teens they admire most.

    Shyness

    • For some teens, struggles with shyness make showing their identities a scary prospect. Shyness in teens is common, says KidsHealth. Some teens are shy as the result of an inherited predisposition. Others are shy because of life situations that have inclined them to close themselves off to others. If your teen is shy, don̵7;t try to force her to be outgoing. Doing so may actually have the opposite of the desire impact, leaving the teen even more fearful of showing others her true colors. Instead, support her in her interactions with others, and allow her to share only what she feels comfortable sharing.

    Potential Problems

    • While teen moodiness is generally normal, it can also be an early sign of a deeper problem, says Dr. Alex Miller, chief of child and adolescent psychology at Montefiore Medical Center, in an article in The New York Times. If your teen is locking herself in her room, acting out in aggression or engaging in self-injurious behavior, speak to her doctor regarding the behaviors as they could be signs of a more serious mental health issue.

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