How to Help a Shy Preteen Girl

Boost your preteen's confidence with plenty of praise and encouragement. Remind her that shyness is only one aspect of her character, and that this alone does not define her. Avoid talking about her shyness in negative terms. Tell her that shyness can be an attractive trait; shy people are often great listeners, which makes them caring, thoughtful friends. If you once were -- or still are -- a shy person yourself, draw on your own experiences to demonstrate how being shy does not have to ruin a person's life.

Observe your preteen in different situations and at social events to identify the nature of her shyness. She may be shy when meeting new people, or when talking in public. If she is not shy all the time, looking into when shyness strikes will help you work out how best to help her. If she is shy when meeting people, for example, take the lead by introducing yourself first and starting a conversation. This will help to relax her, and she may follow your lead.

Take social skills classes and share your experiences with your preteen and the rest of the family. Practice what you have learned in the classes with your preteen, making it lighthearted and fun. Talk about the classes in positive terms, showing her that it's a good thing to learn new social skills.

Refrain from criticizing or embarrassing your preteen in public, or when she makes a mistake. Stay calm even if you are upset with her, and think about the best way to handle the situation without affecting her self-esteem.

Encourage your preteen to take part in activities that make the most of her strengths and build her confidence. If she has a talent for playing a musical instrument, for example, arrange for some private tuition. Although this is initially a solitary exercise, it could lead to more social opportunities, such as joining a band or taking part in the school play.