Getting Teens to Express Feelings

Create a Safe Environment

• A teen who feels safe is more likely to express what she feels. According to Alberta Health Services, when a child is young, she is likely more open about her feelings, but as she ages, she may learn to hide feelings from adults or peers. This can occur due to signals that adults send or just be a natural tendency. A teenager who does not have an open adult role model can feel isolated and misunderstood. Build a relationship with your teen by being nonjudgmental in your response to her communication attempts, and always encouraging her to express what she is feeling.

Recognize Feelings

• Help your teen identify what he is feeling by increasing his awareness. An article on expressing emotions on the website of the counseling center at the University of Illinois recommends teaching a teen not to ignore his feelings, but to ask himself what he is feeling, why he might be feeling it and why it is happening at that moment. For instance, a teen who is feeling sad may have a friend who is moving out of town or a lot of stress at school. Identifying what he is feeling and why is the first step to learning how to express his feelings.

Listen Carefully

• When your teen starts to talk to you, stop what you are doing and look at her so she knows you care about what she is saying. Make eye contact and respond with verbal and physical cues, such as nodding and speaking. According to SOS Help for Parents, using reflective listening is a way to help your teen be more expressive. You can do this by listening to your teen and then repeating back to her, briefly summarizing what was said. For example, your teen son may say a girl at school called him a name and that he got angry. You would repeat back to him, ̶0;A girl called you a name? Well you have every right to be angry.̶1; If a teen feels you are really listening, he may be more likely to express his feelings.

Interpretation

• Give your teen the tools she needs to interpret events and examine them closely to deal with them. The Counseling Center at Illinois states that how a teen interprets an event can help her to express her feelings. Two teens who take the same test may both fail, but one will identify with the event positively by understanding that she studied as hard as possible, and accept the outcome with very little response. Another teen might see herself as a failure by interpreting the event too broadly and responding in a negative way. Help your teen put things into perspective by encouraging him to look at each event as a singular incident so that he does not over-generalize. In addition, teens should know not to take things personally and to see events as they are and not exaggerate occurrences.